It was fulfilling, disappointing, vibrant, monotonous, violent, calm, intresting and dull. Cheers, 2008!
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Countdown to 2009
2008 started with a 5-hour transcontinental flight and lots of snow. Got burried in files of work soon after and became obsessed with the idea of quitting. Saw folks 2 years after leaving home. Travelled to Texas to be with friends and ended up being with hundreds of people all of whom were craning their necks for a better view of the July 4th fireworks. Came back with an exorbitant purchase and a curse that was to haunt me months later. Left the beautiful university town for a slightly bigger one, nearer the City. Played house for a while until sober second thought dictated otherwise. Started an affair with a dream that is still far from reality. Finally closed a chapter in our story and began a new one. A city was ravaged and heroes emerged. Got haunted by 3 numbers, and rematch was sought. Faced the same disappointment and now fighting to keep the hope alive.
Saturday, December 27, 2008
A High School Less Ordinary
What the Catholic-run private schools would not want you to read.
I went to an all-girls high school run by nuns. It was not a convent though the strict rules of piety and near-asceticism could confuse anybody into believing so. I went there after 7-years from an all-girls elementary school run by the same nuns. My parents were not trying to punish me; in fact just the opposite. Where I came from, Catholic-run private elementary and secondary schools were some of the best, if not so, in the country. So parents were almost assured of a quality education, with the virtues of Catholicism considered as an added incentive.
We had our staple of queens, sluts, and outcasts. The fourth type is somewhat the great social leveller--much like how death is to all of us. The queens, the sluts and even the outcasts, at some point, belonged to the fourth group, the homosexuals.
Ironically, homosexuality thrived at my Catholic all-girls high school. Ironic because Catholicism is much opposed to homosexuality and does not recognize ( even condone) same-sex relationships. Even the present Pope was recently quoted metaphorically exhorting the holy flock to save (fast vanishing heterosexual) men like they would, erm, trees.
Ostensibly lacking male-jocks, our school bred female ones. And almost invariably, they formed the core of the Sapphic culture. They were members of the school varsity basketball and volleyball teams. In effect, they were the "rock stars" or the "football jocks" of the school. The girls every other girl wanted to be with. Girls across the social hierarchy (the queens, the sluts and the outcasts) had "crushes" on an all-girl school's equivalent of heartthrobs. Girls squealed at the sight of their crushes; the bold ones openly pursued the object of affection, unabashedly showered them with attention and flowers. Chocolates. Teddy Bears.
Bolstered by all the attention, the jocks swaggered around the campus like the hot shots that they were. They were the epitome of coolness, well at least to those who agreed to play along. The stratospheric rise in the social ladder of a freshman attracting a senior lesbian was not unheard of. The coolness factor undoubtedly attracted the dregs of high school hoping to have a semblance of an interesting life while in school. They dressed like boys and reviled the mere idea of wearing a skirt--forget ribbons in their hair. Their hair was shorn as near to their skulls as possible to look as close to a boy they will never become.
The hair style became "the chicken or the egg" issue with the nuns. Did these girls cut their hair very short and then became lesbians? Or vice versa? Apparently, the nuns subscribed to the former persuasion and they imposed rules to curb the hirsute transformation. And so, it became illegal to cut one's hair shorter than two inches above the neck. A girl who had dermatitis had to secure a medical certificate so she could keep her hair boyishly short. Those without a justifiable excuse (being a lesbian obviously not acceptable) were suspended. Might have been until their hair grew back.
In the end, it did little to impede, well, anything. Girls of all hair lengths, short, medium long were, at some point, all involved with another girl. Parents who assumed that lesbians had a singular portrait of buzz cuts, loose shirts and baggy jeans missed the romance their long-haired, skirt-wearing daughter was having with another girl. As long as their little girl did not balk at the sight of a frilly dress and the idea of looking feminine, then their girl must be into boys.
I never witnessed it personally, but rumours abound of girl A and girl B making out in the cafeteria during recess or lunch break. I wouldn't know if any of them went all the way but if there were, very few of them did (it would have been known in lurid detail, otherwise). Most were content with spending the break, walking along the corridors of the school, holding hands and displaying their mutual admiration for each other. Others were satiated with the attention and collected a string of admirers. They wrote letters everyday (some had notebooks with which they recorded everything that was happening with their relationship) and celebrated milestones in their relationship every month dubbing it Monthsaries. The customary greeting card and gift exchange, grand romantic gestures inspired by the hit rom-com at the time dotted their togetherness.
Courtship between girls was simple enough and was as close as possible to the heterosexual prototype. In my day, it started with being penpals, exchanging correspondences chronicling their daily lives. This was the route typically followed by the "admirers" who wished to pursue the "admiree." The daily liaisons would progress to "dates" during recess and lunch. So for 30 mins and an hour (respectively) per school day, the two would spend the time together. At this point, if the "admirer" believed that she had a shot, it would then enter the next stage. The next stage was marked with the showering of gifts. If say the "admiree" was fond of Mickey Mouse (we were teenagers, after all) the "admirer" would then gift anything under the sun that has Mickey Mouse on it: a magnet, a pen, a wallet, a trash can, etc. If the "admiree" was fond of the color blue, then she will be showered with everything blue: blue socks, blue notebook, blue shirt, etc. Considering we were depending on our lunch money for funds, courtship was undeniably very costly. For most others, all the expense took them to the next and final stage: the proposal and the MU (mutual understanding) stage.
There were girls in my school who unashamedly tried to be the Casanovas. One proposed to the other girl outside of her class just as the lunch break was over. She knelt down on one knee and declared her love for the girl with a rose (or whatever was the favorite flower of the girl, down to the favorite color) and everybody else gawking at the sight. It was as contrived as it sounded. Of course, some found it bone-chillingly romantic.
And so the three words would be spoken. If everything goes as planned, three (or even four) words would be spoken back. And then, they would officially share a mutual understanding (which is the ultimate goal of the courtship, by the way). Here they would choose their relationship theme (official) song, the (official) date with which to celebrate the aforementioned "monthsaries" and their (official) pet name for each other. Babykins, munchkin, sweet, coffee, sugar and other nauseatingly saccharine epitaphs were the popular choices. It was similar to having an official uhm BFF, only you kiss your BFF passionately with tongue and call her sugar.
The strange thing was (although it was normal to us back then) even the nerds and the "good girls" had crushes or lesbian inclinations. Our class topper was illicitly involved with another girl, our official class nerd had an incurable crush on another and other girls who seemingly knew better, were one of them. We even had a woman teacher who carried on a homosexual affair with another student. I do not know how much of an "affair" it was, but being the children that we were, our version accepted frequent phone calls and mail exchanges as an "affair." The point was, everybody seemed to break the stereotype and subsequently established a new one: nobody was straight.
By senior year, most of the attention shifted from the local school jocks to boys from other all-boys school. The sluts came out of their closets where the gays ironically shuffled back in. The most-awaited event was the class interaction with the boys. It was a school-sanctioned group first-date as it were. From here, many lesbian relationships ended up in the bifurcated road of homosexuality and heterosexuality. Some were caught in the middle, prompting a boy to famously opine "Does she realize she'll never grow a dick?" about a girl he was competing against for the affection of the class beauty.
Most of these girls are now girlfriends, fiancee, mums, and wives (in a more traditional sense) and in all appearances a woman. But the road that led to their femininity was certainly paved with less-than-good intentions. Along the way, they redefined the portrait of Sapphists and introduced a Pavlovian effect into homosexuality.
It was an "all-girls school" in every sense of the word.
I went to an all-girls high school run by nuns. It was not a convent though the strict rules of piety and near-asceticism could confuse anybody into believing so. I went there after 7-years from an all-girls elementary school run by the same nuns. My parents were not trying to punish me; in fact just the opposite. Where I came from, Catholic-run private elementary and secondary schools were some of the best, if not so, in the country. So parents were almost assured of a quality education, with the virtues of Catholicism considered as an added incentive.
We had our staple of queens, sluts, and outcasts. The fourth type is somewhat the great social leveller--much like how death is to all of us. The queens, the sluts and even the outcasts, at some point, belonged to the fourth group, the homosexuals.
Ironically, homosexuality thrived at my Catholic all-girls high school. Ironic because Catholicism is much opposed to homosexuality and does not recognize ( even condone) same-sex relationships. Even the present Pope was recently quoted metaphorically exhorting the holy flock to save (fast vanishing heterosexual) men like they would, erm, trees.
Ostensibly lacking male-jocks, our school bred female ones. And almost invariably, they formed the core of the Sapphic culture. They were members of the school varsity basketball and volleyball teams. In effect, they were the "rock stars" or the "football jocks" of the school. The girls every other girl wanted to be with. Girls across the social hierarchy (the queens, the sluts and the outcasts) had "crushes" on an all-girl school's equivalent of heartthrobs. Girls squealed at the sight of their crushes; the bold ones openly pursued the object of affection, unabashedly showered them with attention and flowers. Chocolates. Teddy Bears.
Bolstered by all the attention, the jocks swaggered around the campus like the hot shots that they were. They were the epitome of coolness, well at least to those who agreed to play along. The stratospheric rise in the social ladder of a freshman attracting a senior lesbian was not unheard of. The coolness factor undoubtedly attracted the dregs of high school hoping to have a semblance of an interesting life while in school. They dressed like boys and reviled the mere idea of wearing a skirt--forget ribbons in their hair. Their hair was shorn as near to their skulls as possible to look as close to a boy they will never become.
The hair style became "the chicken or the egg" issue with the nuns. Did these girls cut their hair very short and then became lesbians? Or vice versa? Apparently, the nuns subscribed to the former persuasion and they imposed rules to curb the hirsute transformation. And so, it became illegal to cut one's hair shorter than two inches above the neck. A girl who had dermatitis had to secure a medical certificate so she could keep her hair boyishly short. Those without a justifiable excuse (being a lesbian obviously not acceptable) were suspended. Might have been until their hair grew back.
In the end, it did little to impede, well, anything. Girls of all hair lengths, short, medium long were, at some point, all involved with another girl. Parents who assumed that lesbians had a singular portrait of buzz cuts, loose shirts and baggy jeans missed the romance their long-haired, skirt-wearing daughter was having with another girl. As long as their little girl did not balk at the sight of a frilly dress and the idea of looking feminine, then their girl must be into boys.
I never witnessed it personally, but rumours abound of girl A and girl B making out in the cafeteria during recess or lunch break. I wouldn't know if any of them went all the way but if there were, very few of them did (it would have been known in lurid detail, otherwise). Most were content with spending the break, walking along the corridors of the school, holding hands and displaying their mutual admiration for each other. Others were satiated with the attention and collected a string of admirers. They wrote letters everyday (some had notebooks with which they recorded everything that was happening with their relationship) and celebrated milestones in their relationship every month dubbing it Monthsaries. The customary greeting card and gift exchange, grand romantic gestures inspired by the hit rom-com at the time dotted their togetherness.
Courtship between girls was simple enough and was as close as possible to the heterosexual prototype. In my day, it started with being penpals, exchanging correspondences chronicling their daily lives. This was the route typically followed by the "admirers" who wished to pursue the "admiree." The daily liaisons would progress to "dates" during recess and lunch. So for 30 mins and an hour (respectively) per school day, the two would spend the time together. At this point, if the "admirer" believed that she had a shot, it would then enter the next stage. The next stage was marked with the showering of gifts. If say the "admiree" was fond of Mickey Mouse (we were teenagers, after all) the "admirer" would then gift anything under the sun that has Mickey Mouse on it: a magnet, a pen, a wallet, a trash can, etc. If the "admiree" was fond of the color blue, then she will be showered with everything blue: blue socks, blue notebook, blue shirt, etc. Considering we were depending on our lunch money for funds, courtship was undeniably very costly. For most others, all the expense took them to the next and final stage: the proposal and the MU (mutual understanding) stage.
There were girls in my school who unashamedly tried to be the Casanovas. One proposed to the other girl outside of her class just as the lunch break was over. She knelt down on one knee and declared her love for the girl with a rose (or whatever was the favorite flower of the girl, down to the favorite color) and everybody else gawking at the sight. It was as contrived as it sounded. Of course, some found it bone-chillingly romantic.
And so the three words would be spoken. If everything goes as planned, three (or even four) words would be spoken back. And then, they would officially share a mutual understanding (which is the ultimate goal of the courtship, by the way). Here they would choose their relationship theme (official) song, the (official) date with which to celebrate the aforementioned "monthsaries" and their (official) pet name for each other. Babykins, munchkin, sweet, coffee, sugar and other nauseatingly saccharine epitaphs were the popular choices. It was similar to having an official uhm BFF, only you kiss your BFF passionately with tongue and call her sugar.
The strange thing was (although it was normal to us back then) even the nerds and the "good girls" had crushes or lesbian inclinations. Our class topper was illicitly involved with another girl, our official class nerd had an incurable crush on another and other girls who seemingly knew better, were one of them. We even had a woman teacher who carried on a homosexual affair with another student. I do not know how much of an "affair" it was, but being the children that we were, our version accepted frequent phone calls and mail exchanges as an "affair." The point was, everybody seemed to break the stereotype and subsequently established a new one: nobody was straight.
By senior year, most of the attention shifted from the local school jocks to boys from other all-boys school. The sluts came out of their closets where the gays ironically shuffled back in. The most-awaited event was the class interaction with the boys. It was a school-sanctioned group first-date as it were. From here, many lesbian relationships ended up in the bifurcated road of homosexuality and heterosexuality. Some were caught in the middle, prompting a boy to famously opine "Does she realize she'll never grow a dick?" about a girl he was competing against for the affection of the class beauty.
Most of these girls are now girlfriends, fiancee, mums, and wives (in a more traditional sense) and in all appearances a woman. But the road that led to their femininity was certainly paved with less-than-good intentions. Along the way, they redefined the portrait of Sapphists and introduced a Pavlovian effect into homosexuality.
It was an "all-girls school" in every sense of the word.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Slumdog Millionaire
In the '90s, he asked us to "Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a starter home. Choose dental insurance, leisure wear and matching luggage...But why would anyone want to do a thing like that?"
This time, Mr. Danny Boyle wants us to choose Slumdog Millionaire. I did and I did not even have to ask why I did. It was endearing, it was hilarious, it was wrenching and poignant all at once. In its periphery were the ugly consequence of religion, the exploitation of children, loss of innocence, the eternal hopelessness of poverty and squalor. At its core unfolded the love story of two children of the slums who beat the odds because "it was written" that they should be together.
It reminded me of Cidade de Deus (City of God) but less violent and, well, still different. I'll let Mr. Boyle tell the story. He sure knows how.
This time, Mr. Danny Boyle wants us to choose Slumdog Millionaire. I did and I did not even have to ask why I did. It was endearing, it was hilarious, it was wrenching and poignant all at once. In its periphery were the ugly consequence of religion, the exploitation of children, loss of innocence, the eternal hopelessness of poverty and squalor. At its core unfolded the love story of two children of the slums who beat the odds because "it was written" that they should be together.
It reminded me of Cidade de Deus (City of God) but less violent and, well, still different. I'll let Mr. Boyle tell the story. He sure knows how.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Merry Christmas
I checked under the tree for a gift with my name on it. Only there was no tree and no gift. There was, however, the "Rules of Engagement" with my name on it.
Let the games begin.
Let the games begin.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Shopping Disorder
PMS lately has been accompanied by this tendency to do a mad shopping spree. As opposed to frantically foraging for something to eat, as was the norm, my appetite becomes voracious for something to buy. The scope is rather broad, from the utilitarian domestic (dust rag) to the damn frivolous (an overpriced shirt). Grocery shopping becomes more frequent and conversations with husband are suffused with bargaining deals for an out-of-reach purse. Buying anything, something, becomes an unexplainable need that if not satisfied will morph into one gigantic tantrum.
The poor creature is perplexed by the situation. Under normal circumstances, he would just have to deal with my pendulum-inspired temperament. And just when he's getting the hang of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (my mercurial mood has become a source of much amusement to him, as he's able to release his creativity via his convuluted conversation gambits that always lead to a swing or a see-saw--get it?) I throw him a doosra. Now, he has to figure out a way to medicate a shopping disorder on top of everything else.
During these times, he would be like a spiritual coach, coaxing me to fight my demons (the retailers). When I walk out of a shop without a purchase, he would dispense lines like "I'm so proud of you," and will manage to sound proudly, too.
My options are looking rather enviable. It seems that for the weeks (yes, mine lasts this long) prior to my gender-based agony, the kilos I would not gain I would lose in my bank account. There's an existentialist question for you: would you rather become fat or become poor?
The poor creature is perplexed by the situation. Under normal circumstances, he would just have to deal with my pendulum-inspired temperament. And just when he's getting the hang of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (my mercurial mood has become a source of much amusement to him, as he's able to release his creativity via his convuluted conversation gambits that always lead to a swing or a see-saw--get it?) I throw him a doosra. Now, he has to figure out a way to medicate a shopping disorder on top of everything else.
During these times, he would be like a spiritual coach, coaxing me to fight my demons (the retailers). When I walk out of a shop without a purchase, he would dispense lines like "I'm so proud of you," and will manage to sound proudly, too.
My options are looking rather enviable. It seems that for the weeks (yes, mine lasts this long) prior to my gender-based agony, the kilos I would not gain I would lose in my bank account. There's an existentialist question for you: would you rather become fat or become poor?
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Beware the Gmail Dot Bug
I married my husband thinking my secret dossier on him was substantial enough to be incriminating if the need for leverage arises in the future. After five years, one tends to take some assumptions for granted. Gmail tried to test the strength of this assumption just like how a logical reasoning item on the LSAT (law school admission test) might.
For instance, was I aware that my husband has a bank account in the Cayman Islands? Or that he was recently appointed to a cream position to some company abroad? Or that he was still looking for a wife? (!!!) These are just some of the emails that snuck their way into his inbox courtesy of gmail's dot bug.
If you have a user.name@gmail.com email address, gmail's dot bug explains why you sometimes read emails intended for username@gmail.com. Gmail does not recognize the dot and does not differentiate between user.name and username. Based on the emails that idly wander into another user's inbox, it can be a threat to security and a serious privacy issue-the kind of bug that Nixon would have found especially useful.
For gmail's dot bug has a latent bugging system: one can intrude and "listen" in as it were on the lives of others through emails that were essentially for their eyes only. It's especially interesting for people whose names are quite common. One minute you are an influential president being addressed respectfully with all candor, the next an enterprising investor getting turned down on a loan. Information about namesakes ranging from the mundane to sensitive converge in the inbox of an eponymous email account--with an inconsequential dot that breached all confidentiality and intimacy of a personal account.
What is not clear is whether we are getting copies of emails for the eponymous email account--or the others are. It's hard to tell whether the emails we received that were intended for others were also received by the intended recipient. As a corollary, have been receiving all the emails that were supposed to be ours or have they wandered over to the dotted side?
Voyeurism can definitely go both ways: are we outside looking in or inside looking out?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Little shop in the corner
There is a little shop in the corner from our office. Its size betrays its great utility to the offices nearby, especially to us. It is the place we go to when our office runs out of toilet paper, when we are in the mood to hunt for a snack in the middle of a slow day, when the boss decides to shower his suspecting wife some gifts, and would send one of us along to forage for a gift wrapping paper, or when we are in need of a duplicate key made. I was there when my face was splotched with angry red welts due to hives, buying an antihistamine. Because, yes, this little shop is also a little pharmacy. And, if ever our office decides to make an impromptu toast to a job well done, we would be running to this store, too, for an emergency liquor raid.
If that is not peculiar enough, none of the wares has sticker price on them. If you need to know the price of the balaklava, for instance, you have to ask him. "One dollar, 99 cents, one dollar and 75...," he recited once, with automated precision, as I held up one item after another. Amazed, I asked the obvious question, to which he replied nonchalantly, "No need to put price on them, they are all up here," indicating his head.
I chat with him, occasionally, while I wait for the bus that is perpetually late, or while I refill my lungs with fresh air, of which I am deprived while working alongside an office that smells of that stink you wish to God is not coming from the bottom of your shoes. One day, he told me of how he came to America, armed with youthful folly and without any expectations. Soon, he got married and settled down with his wife who bore him three boys. He opened this little shop in the corner as a means to an end. For several years this shop supported the family of five, up to the day the wife passed away. I asked if four ever became five again, to which he gruffly replied, "What's the point of marrying again? women are all the same; she was enough for me," fair enough, I thought.
His intelligence was overshadowed by his apparent diligence borne of a simple philosophy that urges one to believe that hard work yields fruitful dividends each time. And in his case, it did. Two of his sons have graduated from college and are each supporting a family of their own. And the youngest proved to be his capstone--a senior Engineering major at University of California, San Diego.
He knew he deserved the awe and respect that were reflected in my face. Intoxicated by this, he pointed at his little shop and revealed,"This is paying for his tuition... no scholarship." As if to emphasize how much blood that university is siphoning off of him, he buoyantly exclaimed that his son will graduate soon, and all the tuition payment schedules will just be a nightmarish anecdote in the past.
His little shop is badly in need of a fresh coat of paint, a more decipherable signage and updated interiors. But he would stand outside his shop with an air of a master surveying his vast domain. His little shop stands in the corner, unassumingly, ever reliable, and just as easily forgotten, quietly fulfilling an immigrant family's American dream.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Girls just *don't* want to have fun
Yep. Most of the time they just want to whine. Take a look at this blog for example. But because I have come to terms with this genetic inclination, I find it easier to have some sort of a relationship with boys than with girls. Unless the girl in question is like a boy (not necessarily a lesbian) then she's the exception that proves the rule.
One problem with having a girl friend (not to be confused with a homosexual) is that they are too sensitive. I revel in being nasty and in spewing thoughtless remarks so I cannot possibly have a girl friend who can tolerate my abuses. Boys on the other hand do not take it personally. Tell them they are fat and it will not bother them (the guys I know at least). The best part is, because they are aware how girls do not take being called fat favorably, they often refrain from regurgitating the same bullet. So you can make fun of their paunch and they will not make a snarky remark about your waist line.
Another issue is that they do not condone dictatorship with another female. After years of male domination, most women are all about equality, except for when it comes to their own male partners. Often, they will tolerate men domination but never by another woman. Gender equality is all about being equal among all women. And that's a problem because I have a mild-case of bossiness. I sometimes like to have things done in a specific way (which is my way, by the way) because I am just more important. If the friend is not willing and able, then constant bickering will be the main feature of the relationship dynamics.
And then there is the whole beauty regimen and superficiality culture. I respect women who find time to do the whole beauty ritual. From make-up, moisturizing, manicure, pedicure, to waxing, shaving, threading and the whole gamut of beauty 101. I often wondered how these women keep up with it. They look perfect, nary a hair out of place. I tried , but I have long ago accepted that my patience can only accommodate three of the above which sadly, did not include make-up, manicure, pedicure, well most of it. So confronted with a woman harassed with these matters, I cannot relate. I do not shop for make-up, manicure/pedicure does not excite me and I do not need to wax/shave given that I was born mostly hairless.
Sometimes I try to get excited by these things, just to play up to the stereotype. But the farthest I got was to get excited by the prospect of a $150+ haircut in the city and have a dramatic update on my look. The possibility of that happening seems dim now, considering the pecuniary imprudence involved.
But being a girl, I still like to shop. I can justify a $1,600 purse and consider a Marc Jacobs marked down dress of $316 a delicious bargain. Of course I can be superficial. But shopping for me is not a group activity. I do not enjoy shopping with a woman, actually with anyone; I have the most fun doing it by myself. So there goes the hallowed bonding experience between 2 women.
PMS might be the winning argument, though. I cannot stand being hormone-induced snapped at, regardless of the time of the month. I can take ridicule and censure when I deserve it. But when I do not then I just implode. Heck, I cannot even stand myself when I am swinging from one end of the pole to another, equal parts weepy, equal parts snappy, so I sure will not tolerate anybody else's.
The only times I get along well with girls are when they behave atypically and act more like boys. They are not overly sensitive, they are nasty so they can take nastiness themselves and what's more, they understand that female urge to boss people around.
I did not realize that my post was shaping up to be some sort of an obituary, but cheers to these 6 remarkable women I have known. I hope to god you are not a dying breed.
One problem with having a girl friend (not to be confused with a homosexual) is that they are too sensitive. I revel in being nasty and in spewing thoughtless remarks so I cannot possibly have a girl friend who can tolerate my abuses. Boys on the other hand do not take it personally. Tell them they are fat and it will not bother them (the guys I know at least). The best part is, because they are aware how girls do not take being called fat favorably, they often refrain from regurgitating the same bullet. So you can make fun of their paunch and they will not make a snarky remark about your waist line.
Another issue is that they do not condone dictatorship with another female. After years of male domination, most women are all about equality, except for when it comes to their own male partners. Often, they will tolerate men domination but never by another woman. Gender equality is all about being equal among all women. And that's a problem because I have a mild-case of bossiness. I sometimes like to have things done in a specific way (which is my way, by the way) because I am just more important. If the friend is not willing and able, then constant bickering will be the main feature of the relationship dynamics.
And then there is the whole beauty regimen and superficiality culture. I respect women who find time to do the whole beauty ritual. From make-up, moisturizing, manicure, pedicure, to waxing, shaving, threading and the whole gamut of beauty 101. I often wondered how these women keep up with it. They look perfect, nary a hair out of place. I tried , but I have long ago accepted that my patience can only accommodate three of the above which sadly, did not include make-up, manicure, pedicure, well most of it. So confronted with a woman harassed with these matters, I cannot relate. I do not shop for make-up, manicure/pedicure does not excite me and I do not need to wax/shave given that I was born mostly hairless.
Sometimes I try to get excited by these things, just to play up to the stereotype. But the farthest I got was to get excited by the prospect of a $150+ haircut in the city and have a dramatic update on my look. The possibility of that happening seems dim now, considering the pecuniary imprudence involved.
But being a girl, I still like to shop. I can justify a $1,600 purse and consider a Marc Jacobs marked down dress of $316 a delicious bargain. Of course I can be superficial. But shopping for me is not a group activity. I do not enjoy shopping with a woman, actually with anyone; I have the most fun doing it by myself. So there goes the hallowed bonding experience between 2 women.
PMS might be the winning argument, though. I cannot stand being hormone-induced snapped at, regardless of the time of the month. I can take ridicule and censure when I deserve it. But when I do not then I just implode. Heck, I cannot even stand myself when I am swinging from one end of the pole to another, equal parts weepy, equal parts snappy, so I sure will not tolerate anybody else's.
The only times I get along well with girls are when they behave atypically and act more like boys. They are not overly sensitive, they are nasty so they can take nastiness themselves and what's more, they understand that female urge to boss people around.
I did not realize that my post was shaping up to be some sort of an obituary, but cheers to these 6 remarkable women I have known. I hope to god you are not a dying breed.
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Symbols
Husband and I have been talking some time ago. Americans are obsessed more with the symbol than with what the symbol actually represents. I hope Obama was not elected because he is Black but despite of it.
Even then I still do not completely comprehend the hype. He is half-Black and half-White; how are we to know which part of him got him elected? Maybe the whites voted for him not because they have taken a giant leap forward on their bigotry on race but because Obama is still half-White. Or that a lot of them are irreversible Democrats that they would have voted for Sarah Palin had she decided to cross borders toward the left and carried the Democratic banner instead of Obama.
I understand the intense support from the Black community for Obama but I wonder if most of them realize that Obama did not experience the racial injustices and black prejudices which led Martin Luther King, Jr. to stand up and say enough. In fact, he was not even there. He was in Kenya where the majority was Black and equality between races was not even a national issue. Sure, he's had some brush with discrimination, some of it from his own grandmother. But not to the extent as how some people were playing it up to be.
In the end though, he did not have to and it did not matter. Black or white, the central consideration in the majority of voters was the economy. Consumer spending is lagging, job losses at unprecedented rates and a a major automaker on the brink of brankuptcy, it does not matter what the color of the skin is of the man who will steer America out of this quagmire.
Amidst dimming prospects of the future and depressing (pun?) economic performance, I have to wonder: Did America vote for the man most suitable for the job, or for the man most symbolic of the changing times?
It sure did make a lot of people proud of America--again.
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Queen Bee: Jollibee in Queens still to now open!
Update: Jollibee in Queens, NY now OPEN!
Made a pilgrimage to Queens one drizzly Friday night, filled with visions of palabok and orange bucket of fried chicken in my head. Somehow managed to convince husband to travel 45 minutes for something he intensely despise (he is, ahem, we are vegetarians but I wanted to have chicken). He left work earlier than expected which raised my expectations up several notches.
It might be that the reason he was amenable to the idea was that he wanted to drive our very first conjugal asset. She is a beaut and a beast on the highway--so I would not be surprised. Whatever the reasons were, there we were in that part of Queens at 7 past, standing amidst the din of the subway above us, gawking at a sign that should have more appropriately read K.L.P.D. but instead went like this: Jollibee in Queens, NY COMING SOON!
I initially wanted to think it was a mistake. Maybe the original site was that particular corner bordered with cardboard walls but the owners ended up setting up shop further down the block where I vainly tried to strain for that familiar neon orange lights or that ubiquitous giant bee in prison-orange striped suit. Husband must have known there was nothing but disappointment down there so he half-dragged me back to our car.
The worst part was we ended up eating at Subway in Queens, 33 miles away from our place, when we could have done so at our very own friendly neighborhood Subway--a 2-minute walk from home. I did not like my dinner that night and did not hesitate one bit to have it known, much to the consternation of the husband. He soon bounced back and had the tantrums pegged as that time of the month.
Which was a bit unfair. Hormones might have had something to do with it but most of it was the irate mindset which "is often difficult to counteract its effects upon analysis and decision making processes," thank you, wikipedia. And how was the irascible mindset formed? Via Jollibee.com which shamelessly tricked me into venturing into that part of Queens which under normal circumstances I have no business in venturing into, by inherently claiming that the Jollibee there has opened by virtue of the absence of that very helpful line on their site along the lines of "under construction," in listing its US locations. Husband also claimed that this particular branch was reviewed in Yelp.com but that's most probably Jollibee the grocery and not the fast food.
I am still sore about the whole thing and it might assuage me to think that I will not be the only one who will be duped into taking that pilgrimage prematurely by concealing the fact that it has yet to open. At the end of the day though, I just want to know when that damn restaurant is opening and would someone please let me know about it.
***
Jollibee
62 -29 Roosevelt Ave.,
Woodside, NY 11735
Thursday, November 6, 2008
To the Rescue
Interesting conversation I had with the husband inspired me to do this post. You see, he was more than peeved by the fact that Gambhir (Indian cricket player who recently schooled the Australians on how to score a double century) was banned from the remaining test matches because Gambhir was silly enough to shove this Aussie boy who, incidentally, sportingly tried to block Gambhir from making runs, all in the fair spirit of the game. Husband was also nearly seething when he read the comments of some of his compatriots from that Southern part of India where the sun seems to shine the strongest. He is of the opinion that these people tend to not to stand up for their countrymen.
His deep-seated reaction to the whole thing was not merely because of some game--it's cricket. The same game I had to frantically make heads or tails of (wicket? boundary? lunch break?!?) when I have decided that I cannot compete and possibly win against Tendulkar for my husband's time and attention.
I would be the first to admit that I rarely play that swashbuckling anti-discriminatory hero, even in the midst of a fusillade of racial slurs. Most of the time I find the affronted Asian (to supply the cliched example) needlessly sensitive. Or the Westerner's (again the cliche) ignorant remarks, well ignorant. I shrug my shoulders and bury the 'discriminatory incident' with my brand of snobbery that just cannot tolerate stupidity.
But when someone important to you takes the very same thing seriously, you tend to re-evaluate the whole thing as how that someone sees it. So, here's my shot at standing up to my brown brothers, or in this case, that beloved Bee:
Pamie.com blogged of her experience of eating at this particular fast food restaurant which does not ordinarily serve the burgers and fries the obese Americans are used to. She tried this peculiar fast food joint, not to satisfy her fat cravings, but mostly to test her fear of the unknown, reminiscent of Fear Factor. In similar vein, she (with her friends) ordered unfamiliar grub such as Palabok ("hard-boiled eggs, shrimp, pork, noodles and some kind of brown sauce") and spaghetti dogged with hot dogs among other things. Pamie and friends approached their food as though they were just about to have raw bull's testicles for appetizers, uncooked goat's penis for the main entree and fresh buffalo eyeballs to finish off the meal. Most of the "food" was in unfamiliar color, form, or sauce which terrified one of pamie's friend by even the innocuous fast food's main selling point "crispylicious and juicylicious" fried chicken. A little transcript (for pamie after all is a script writer) of their conversation during the epicurean adventure was appended, if only to state the obvious that wit and wisdom were not party to their tryst.
To her credit, pamie tried not to sound so mentally vacant. But whether her woeful writing skills had anything to do with it, she alas, ultimately, ended up making a poor, smelly 7 year-old living in the slums of Manila appear infinitely smarter in comparison. For instance, this dirty squirt will not fry her brain trying to hazard what "burger steak" can conceivably be, especially with visual aids available, she can correctly guess that it is a "burger patty in steak *brown* sauce with mushrooms." *Ding! Ding!*
Or that the "funny smell" pamie's friend noticed was the smell of food that can only be made possible when your waiter did not urinate or defecate in your food, as presumably, most of her friend's food had been. On second thought, that might actually have been Asian urine. Oops.
And what is so inconceivable about having hot dogs with spaghetti? Seriously. The next time pamie puts a penis in her mouth (or am I being too presumptuous?) she should realize that vestiges of human refuse are not among the ingredients in this hot dog + spaghetti combination. That in itself should make it palatable. Or is that why it's not?
My point, pamie, is this. You do not have to jaunt off to every Asian or Ethnic restaurant to be a culinary adventurer. The occasional "ox-tail" or "blue-veined, tan chicken" are hardly daredevil dishes. You do not have to look far. The normal food you eat is filled with the sickeningly, terrifyingly inedible stuff you frequently find in your food trips that you can have your adventure simultaneously as you eat your normal breakfast, lunch and dinner and everything in between.
Consider Phosphoric acid in your Coke Cola, tap water (PWS) in your mineral water and the yogurt that became pink thanks to a crushed bug. Hardly appetizing, and yet, at some point in your life I am sure you had one of these and found it yummy. These questionable ingredients and other artificial additives commonly found in American food is maybe why so many of your people are obese, so many of your people have diseases that are unheard of in other parts of the world, and partly, maybe the reason why your brain is sufficiently malnourished and your mind necessarily narrow.
Incidentally, I found your blog via a google search of "Jollibee USA." I was craving for some of that crispylicious goodness.
His deep-seated reaction to the whole thing was not merely because of some game--it's cricket. The same game I had to frantically make heads or tails of (wicket? boundary? lunch break?!?) when I have decided that I cannot compete and possibly win against Tendulkar for my husband's time and attention.
I would be the first to admit that I rarely play that swashbuckling anti-discriminatory hero, even in the midst of a fusillade of racial slurs. Most of the time I find the affronted Asian (to supply the cliched example) needlessly sensitive. Or the Westerner's (again the cliche) ignorant remarks, well ignorant. I shrug my shoulders and bury the 'discriminatory incident' with my brand of snobbery that just cannot tolerate stupidity.
But when someone important to you takes the very same thing seriously, you tend to re-evaluate the whole thing as how that someone sees it. So, here's my shot at standing up to my brown brothers, or in this case, that beloved Bee:
Pamie.com blogged of her experience of eating at this particular fast food restaurant which does not ordinarily serve the burgers and fries the obese Americans are used to. She tried this peculiar fast food joint, not to satisfy her fat cravings, but mostly to test her fear of the unknown, reminiscent of Fear Factor. In similar vein, she (with her friends) ordered unfamiliar grub such as Palabok ("hard-boiled eggs, shrimp, pork, noodles and some kind of brown sauce") and spaghetti dogged with hot dogs among other things. Pamie and friends approached their food as though they were just about to have raw bull's testicles for appetizers, uncooked goat's penis for the main entree and fresh buffalo eyeballs to finish off the meal. Most of the "food" was in unfamiliar color, form, or sauce which terrified one of pamie's friend by even the innocuous fast food's main selling point "crispylicious and juicylicious" fried chicken. A little transcript (for pamie after all is a script writer) of their conversation during the epicurean adventure was appended, if only to state the obvious that wit and wisdom were not party to their tryst.
To her credit, pamie tried not to sound so mentally vacant. But whether her woeful writing skills had anything to do with it, she alas, ultimately, ended up making a poor, smelly 7 year-old living in the slums of Manila appear infinitely smarter in comparison. For instance, this dirty squirt will not fry her brain trying to hazard what "burger steak" can conceivably be, especially with visual aids available, she can correctly guess that it is a "burger patty in steak *brown* sauce with mushrooms." *Ding! Ding!*
Or that the "funny smell" pamie's friend noticed was the smell of food that can only be made possible when your waiter did not urinate or defecate in your food, as presumably, most of her friend's food had been. On second thought, that might actually have been Asian urine. Oops.
And what is so inconceivable about having hot dogs with spaghetti? Seriously. The next time pamie puts a penis in her mouth (or am I being too presumptuous?) she should realize that vestiges of human refuse are not among the ingredients in this hot dog + spaghetti combination. That in itself should make it palatable. Or is that why it's not?
My point, pamie, is this. You do not have to jaunt off to every Asian or Ethnic restaurant to be a culinary adventurer. The occasional "ox-tail" or "blue-veined, tan chicken" are hardly daredevil dishes. You do not have to look far. The normal food you eat is filled with the sickeningly, terrifyingly inedible stuff you frequently find in your food trips that you can have your adventure simultaneously as you eat your normal breakfast, lunch and dinner and everything in between.
Consider Phosphoric acid in your Coke Cola, tap water (PWS) in your mineral water and the yogurt that became pink thanks to a crushed bug. Hardly appetizing, and yet, at some point in your life I am sure you had one of these and found it yummy. These questionable ingredients and other artificial additives commonly found in American food is maybe why so many of your people are obese, so many of your people have diseases that are unheard of in other parts of the world, and partly, maybe the reason why your brain is sufficiently malnourished and your mind necessarily narrow.
Incidentally, I found your blog via a google search of "Jollibee USA." I was craving for some of that crispylicious goodness.
Monday, November 3, 2008
500
500 words or less should have been a breeze to write but it's not. It does not help that a lot is riding on these 500 words.
My Personal Statement in 500 words. It's what stands between me and the rest of my life.
My Personal Statement in 500 words. It's what stands between me and the rest of my life.
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Verizon Flex Fumble
Anybody else having headaches about Verizon Flex Bundle? They started with pandering the service as a counter to contending with multiple bills per month. By consolidating the bills from your Verizon Wireless, Verizon Landline and Verizon Internet accounts into one bill, you get the monumental nuisance of One Bill. They enticed consumers like us into converting by throwing in a savings of $7.99 per month if we signed up or 0 savings otherwise. It is plain to see how 7.99 being, 7.99>0, is rather convincing.
The problem is we have not been receiving our One Bill. We tried several times to access our accounts online, hoping in vain that we would be able to access our Flex Bundle but we kept getting error codes. For three months we were lulled into thinking that our bills have been sent to the Verizon Blackhole, dragging along our intent of paying them.
We soon remembered that Verizon is a money-sucking machine--not paying for their services cannot go on interminably. And so we resolved to get the matter sorted out one fine Monday afternoon. By Thursday, the whole thing was still a mess.
The time that passed between Monday and Thursday was not at all rosy, largely due to Verizon's incompetence (ie they suck) and only a small part is due to how Verizon decided to compartmentalize its services far removed from each other so that the different departments will refuse to communicate with each other. I wished the irony of how a communications company communicate inefficiently internally escaped me, but it did not.
Try searching for a customer service number for Verizon Flex Bundle and while you are it, try to fly using your spread-eagled arms. I am almost sure you will have more success with the latter. Try to call Verizon Wireless and they will transfer you to a different department. After several transfers, you are back with Verizon Wireless customer representative wondering whatever did you do to deserve such a rousing tour of the company's blundering service. Apparently, poor service is not limited in one department, it is a contagion infecting the entire company.
I would have thought that sorting out a simple matter such as a lost bill is straightforward enough. But with the way I was passed from one department to the next made me realize why Verizon is calling it as The One Bill. It is that elusive.
The problem is we have not been receiving our One Bill. We tried several times to access our accounts online, hoping in vain that we would be able to access our Flex Bundle but we kept getting error codes. For three months we were lulled into thinking that our bills have been sent to the Verizon Blackhole, dragging along our intent of paying them.
We soon remembered that Verizon is a money-sucking machine--not paying for their services cannot go on interminably. And so we resolved to get the matter sorted out one fine Monday afternoon. By Thursday, the whole thing was still a mess.
The time that passed between Monday and Thursday was not at all rosy, largely due to Verizon's incompetence (ie they suck) and only a small part is due to how Verizon decided to compartmentalize its services far removed from each other so that the different departments will refuse to communicate with each other. I wished the irony of how a communications company communicate inefficiently internally escaped me, but it did not.
Try searching for a customer service number for Verizon Flex Bundle and while you are it, try to fly using your spread-eagled arms. I am almost sure you will have more success with the latter. Try to call Verizon Wireless and they will transfer you to a different department. After several transfers, you are back with Verizon Wireless customer representative wondering whatever did you do to deserve such a rousing tour of the company's blundering service. Apparently, poor service is not limited in one department, it is a contagion infecting the entire company.
I would have thought that sorting out a simple matter such as a lost bill is straightforward enough. But with the way I was passed from one department to the next made me realize why Verizon is calling it as The One Bill. It is that elusive.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
The Meat of It
Adherents of strictly vegetarian diets (at least the Hindus) are arguably amongst the most finicky people one can ever meet. It is not just that they refuse to eat meat, but they are also pretty adamant about other people refusing meat. It is not just that they subsist exclusively on vegetables but that they require that there be no signs of meat within a 2 mile-radius of where their food are made and where they dine. Maybe not 2 mile-radius. More like 4.
Some vegetarians, though most of them are fast becoming extinct, do not insist on other people's adopting a similar lifestyle on the grounds that a similar exhortation on the part of meat-eaters will not be very much appreciated: Why do you insist that I eat only vegies? I do not require you to eat any of my chicken. Indeed, why can't you pray to your God while I'll to mine own without either of us converting?
But for others, they find it is worth their time to impose on others a lifestyle they prefer. Some attach a sort of advocacy interest in that they do it in recognition of the latent rights of animal to life. After all, if they are giving up something gastronomically significant, it might as well be for the salvation of the "lesser" creatures. Others do it because this was how they were brought up and moralized the whole practice as an afterthought. In most cases, they do so without ever knowing what they are excluding.
Admittedly, there are dishes that challenge the whole morality of killing animals for sustenance. A roasted pig on a stick, which for the most part, still looked as it were before it died but crispy and golden brown. A steamed fish on a platter the eyes of which are glassily staring into nothingness. An array of death served on a table for a feast sounds morbid if not for the promise of a gastronomic delight.
However, as for any preferences, meat-eating or otherwise is grounded on a particular bias. It is therefore hard to moralize an eating preference in favor of adopting a particular one. Majority of Hindu vegetarians are strictly vegetarians because of a bias reinforced by habit not because they value the morality of it. They were fed nothing but beans, bread, root crops and vegetables as kids and are surrounded by people who do the same. Their environment likewise mirrors their preferences that even famously meaty fast-food restaurants such as McDonald's and Pizza Hut have robust vegetarian selections. Their food-markets are mostly free of any meat and sell copious supply of what vegetarians patronize.
Which explains why some of these strict vegetarians, when after being transplanted from India, start to eat meat. Because when exposed to an influence and environment that do not espouse vegetarianism, the bias and habit of eating pure vegetables are less and less reinforced the longer one stays transplanted. Some would claim that it was a matter of convenience that they gave up being pure vegetarians. They had a hard time finding sources of the usual dishes that they eat and decided to include those dishes that are more readily accessible, never mind if these new dishes contain meat. If in favor of convenience one gives up something, can morality be very much a factor in it?
Just as most of the strict Hindu vegetarians are born into their vegetarianism, so are these meat-eaters who were raised by generations and generations of meat-lovers and who have not known of another lifestyle. They were surrounded mostly by people whom they share a love of meat-eating with. The environment and influence they grew up in sustain this preference and reinforce this habit.
So if you, being a strict vegetarian, find it very hard to give up this lifestyle, why can't you understand that these meat-eaters will feel the same?
Some vegetarians, though most of them are fast becoming extinct, do not insist on other people's adopting a similar lifestyle on the grounds that a similar exhortation on the part of meat-eaters will not be very much appreciated: Why do you insist that I eat only vegies? I do not require you to eat any of my chicken. Indeed, why can't you pray to your God while I'll to mine own without either of us converting?
But for others, they find it is worth their time to impose on others a lifestyle they prefer. Some attach a sort of advocacy interest in that they do it in recognition of the latent rights of animal to life. After all, if they are giving up something gastronomically significant, it might as well be for the salvation of the "lesser" creatures. Others do it because this was how they were brought up and moralized the whole practice as an afterthought. In most cases, they do so without ever knowing what they are excluding.
Admittedly, there are dishes that challenge the whole morality of killing animals for sustenance. A roasted pig on a stick, which for the most part, still looked as it were before it died but crispy and golden brown. A steamed fish on a platter the eyes of which are glassily staring into nothingness. An array of death served on a table for a feast sounds morbid if not for the promise of a gastronomic delight.
However, as for any preferences, meat-eating or otherwise is grounded on a particular bias. It is therefore hard to moralize an eating preference in favor of adopting a particular one. Majority of Hindu vegetarians are strictly vegetarians because of a bias reinforced by habit not because they value the morality of it. They were fed nothing but beans, bread, root crops and vegetables as kids and are surrounded by people who do the same. Their environment likewise mirrors their preferences that even famously meaty fast-food restaurants such as McDonald's and Pizza Hut have robust vegetarian selections. Their food-markets are mostly free of any meat and sell copious supply of what vegetarians patronize.
Which explains why some of these strict vegetarians, when after being transplanted from India, start to eat meat. Because when exposed to an influence and environment that do not espouse vegetarianism, the bias and habit of eating pure vegetables are less and less reinforced the longer one stays transplanted. Some would claim that it was a matter of convenience that they gave up being pure vegetarians. They had a hard time finding sources of the usual dishes that they eat and decided to include those dishes that are more readily accessible, never mind if these new dishes contain meat. If in favor of convenience one gives up something, can morality be very much a factor in it?
Just as most of the strict Hindu vegetarians are born into their vegetarianism, so are these meat-eaters who were raised by generations and generations of meat-lovers and who have not known of another lifestyle. They were surrounded mostly by people whom they share a love of meat-eating with. The environment and influence they grew up in sustain this preference and reinforce this habit.
So if you, being a strict vegetarian, find it very hard to give up this lifestyle, why can't you understand that these meat-eaters will feel the same?
Thursday, September 18, 2008
cellphones annonymous
The evolution of mobile phones seemed to have picked up in the last five years. It seems it was only yesterday that we had mobile phones the size of a phone booth, and which required a ten-foot pole to finagle a signal. The fact that a part of the phone can be "flipped" at one point had us very excited, and when a version came out which allowed us to customize our phones with different covers we lost our minds.
Nowadays, even a phone with video and camera capabilities does not satisfy us. It just does not have to be small and thin, it has to be an iPhone or Blackberry. Consequently, relatively new phones are discarded despite the fact that they are functioning well and are serving their purpose. Because how else will one sleep peacefully at night without the most hep phone at one's fingertips?
Without the touch-screen and all the applications that are embedded in it, how can anybody make a phone call? How can I possibly expect anybody to send an sms using a phone that does not even have a qwerty? These are sacrifices that no one is allowed to ask of anybody.
Nowadays, even a phone with video and camera capabilities does not satisfy us. It just does not have to be small and thin, it has to be an iPhone or Blackberry. Consequently, relatively new phones are discarded despite the fact that they are functioning well and are serving their purpose. Because how else will one sleep peacefully at night without the most hep phone at one's fingertips?
Without the touch-screen and all the applications that are embedded in it, how can anybody make a phone call? How can I possibly expect anybody to send an sms using a phone that does not even have a qwerty? These are sacrifices that no one is allowed to ask of anybody.
Thursday, September 4, 2008
How to Become $1,000 Poorer and Have Nothing to Show for It
Step 1. Think of buying a car-this includes researching on the current value of the car/s you are looking at and their corresponding residual value. The latter is a crucial information in deciding whether to lease or finance. Analyze the subtle and the differentiating merits between one model and the next. Aesthetic considerations such as color and accessories to be included are deliberated at this stage.
Step 2. Test drive cars that made it to your short-list-all research, and analysis cease at this point. The important thing to iron out at this stage is to decide when to go for test-drives. It will not hurt to wait for imminent holiday sales or for the end of the month. The former is for obvious reasons the latter is because dealership scramble to meet sales quota per month and is therefore desperate to make a sale.
Step 3. Neglect to research on which dealership to buy from- Go to any dealership with the assumption that they will kiss your feet and treat you like kings in order to make a sale.
Step 4. Wander innocently over to Toyota Huntington Station, NY-this is regardless of the fact that you are not interested in purchasing or leasing a Toyota. This dealership in particular is the catalyst of the series of unfortunate events that will haunt you after making a deal at this place.
Step 5. Prepare to be sales pitched for all the cars except for the one that you are interested in-You are interested in the 2009 Camry? Why don't you look at our second-hand 2005 Camry owned by an affable grand pa? Sure you want a V6? But why do you when V4 is practically the same except the engine is subtly inferior? If you want to lease, do not be surprised if they talk to you about financing. If you are convinced about leasing, you will be told of their great financing deals and rates. At this point, you try to remain firm and display restraint. Because this is the easy part.
Step 6. Settle on the price of the car and not on the monthly installment price-prepare to be dazzled with attractive numbers that suggests affordability and be snapped at when you ask for the interest rate and the base price from which these attractive figures come from. Following their arithmetic, there is no fundamental difference between paying $500/mo for 60 months and paying $450/mo for 72 months. At this point, you will realize that they do not and will not kiss your feet regardless of what day of the month it is and that they do not hesitate to use intimidation and condescension in order to close a deal. And also, regardless of what they say (500 * 60) < (450 * 72).
Step 7. Delude yourself into thinking that such is the case everywhere else-sit there and tolerate these indignities and focus on the end result: a car of your own.
Step 8. Pay $1,000 down payment to reserve the car-leave the dealership assuming that you will drive your own car the very next day.
Step 9. Prepare to have an argument with the dealer on what exactly was agreed upon-You'll pick up the car today?!? I didn't tell you you can pick up your car today.
Step 10. Five days, four seizures, three heated arguments, and two years shaved off from your life later-Congratulations! You are now $1,000 poorer and have no car to speak of.
***
If you wish to become $1,000 poorer and have something to show for it, make sure that you skip step 3. To say the least, it is a good idea to research on the car dealerships you have in your area. Otherwise you will miss out on valuable background info such as this. Doing your homework on the car and snagging a good deal for it is not a guarantee that you will drive home the car. Toyota Huntington Station, NY made sure that we realize as much.
Step 2. Test drive cars that made it to your short-list-all research, and analysis cease at this point. The important thing to iron out at this stage is to decide when to go for test-drives. It will not hurt to wait for imminent holiday sales or for the end of the month. The former is for obvious reasons the latter is because dealership scramble to meet sales quota per month and is therefore desperate to make a sale.
Step 3. Neglect to research on which dealership to buy from- Go to any dealership with the assumption that they will kiss your feet and treat you like kings in order to make a sale.
Step 4. Wander innocently over to Toyota Huntington Station, NY-this is regardless of the fact that you are not interested in purchasing or leasing a Toyota. This dealership in particular is the catalyst of the series of unfortunate events that will haunt you after making a deal at this place.
Step 5. Prepare to be sales pitched for all the cars except for the one that you are interested in-You are interested in the 2009 Camry? Why don't you look at our second-hand 2005 Camry owned by an affable grand pa? Sure you want a V6? But why do you when V4 is practically the same except the engine is subtly inferior? If you want to lease, do not be surprised if they talk to you about financing. If you are convinced about leasing, you will be told of their great financing deals and rates. At this point, you try to remain firm and display restraint. Because this is the easy part.
Step 6. Settle on the price of the car and not on the monthly installment price-prepare to be dazzled with attractive numbers that suggests affordability and be snapped at when you ask for the interest rate and the base price from which these attractive figures come from. Following their arithmetic, there is no fundamental difference between paying $500/mo for 60 months and paying $450/mo for 72 months. At this point, you will realize that they do not and will not kiss your feet regardless of what day of the month it is and that they do not hesitate to use intimidation and condescension in order to close a deal. And also, regardless of what they say (500 * 60) < (450 * 72).
Step 7. Delude yourself into thinking that such is the case everywhere else-sit there and tolerate these indignities and focus on the end result: a car of your own.
Step 8. Pay $1,000 down payment to reserve the car-leave the dealership assuming that you will drive your own car the very next day.
Step 9. Prepare to have an argument with the dealer on what exactly was agreed upon-You'll pick up the car today?!? I didn't tell you you can pick up your car today.
Step 10. Five days, four seizures, three heated arguments, and two years shaved off from your life later-Congratulations! You are now $1,000 poorer and have no car to speak of.
***
If you wish to become $1,000 poorer and have something to show for it, make sure that you skip step 3. To say the least, it is a good idea to research on the car dealerships you have in your area. Otherwise you will miss out on valuable background info such as this. Doing your homework on the car and snagging a good deal for it is not a guarantee that you will drive home the car. Toyota Huntington Station, NY made sure that we realize as much.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
When the door taught me a lesson
I have anger management issues, that is, I don't manage my anger at all. I can flare out with the slightest of provocation and at times, even with a complete absence of one. The boy woefully complains about it. But then again, he should just be man enough to take it.
One fine day, after erupting over a non-issue, the boy huffily walked out on me and out of the apartment. I ran after him and punctuated his dramatic exit by banging the door shut behind him. The walls of our apartment shook in approbation. Well, approbation or not, they shook nonetheless.
Having no one to argue with, I started to miss the boy. And soon after, guilt crept in.
Mmm, why am I so fussy; should have just left it alone....
Poor thing wasn't wearing a coat; must be freezing outside....
.....ack left his specs also....
Reason finally decided to regain control over my rapidly shrinking brain, having previously relinquished the authority to fury. I was all ready to call up a truce when somebody up there (or maybe down there) decided to teach me a lesson in anger management. Or, more accurately, a lesson in why one should not bang the door shut.
The door, which earlier very helpfully enhanced my histrionics with its reverberating echoes of defiance, is now steadfastly refusing to open. I did not know what to do. Multiple scientific experiments revealed that jiggling the door handle and kicking the door did not help.
One fine day, after erupting over a non-issue, the boy huffily walked out on me and out of the apartment. I ran after him and punctuated his dramatic exit by banging the door shut behind him. The walls of our apartment shook in approbation. Well, approbation or not, they shook nonetheless.
Having no one to argue with, I started to miss the boy. And soon after, guilt crept in.
Mmm, why am I so fussy; should have just left it alone....
Poor thing wasn't wearing a coat; must be freezing outside....
.....ack left his specs also....
Reason finally decided to regain control over my rapidly shrinking brain, having previously relinquished the authority to fury. I was all ready to call up a truce when somebody up there (or maybe down there) decided to teach me a lesson in anger management. Or, more accurately, a lesson in why one should not bang the door shut.
The door, which earlier very helpfully enhanced my histrionics with its reverberating echoes of defiance, is now steadfastly refusing to open. I did not know what to do. Multiple scientific experiments revealed that jiggling the door handle and kicking the door did not help.
Fortunately, the boy came back a few minutes later. However, he was hardly in the mood to rescue a damsel in distress. At this point, having been made acutely aware that I was locked inside the apartment, I struggled to tell him that he was inversely locked out.
It can be surprising what agents reason sometimes use in forcing us to realize how foolishly we were behaving. Locked inside a cell of my own creation, I forlornly looked at the person I hurt through a keyhole with shameful admittance of fault reflected in my face. The filmi quality of our situation did not escape us and we were close to recapturing a poignant scene from Romeo and Juliet when apartment maintenance decided that we both learned our lesson.
The next time I try to angrily close the door behind him, I hopefully will remember what I am invariably closing in and what I am inadvertently leaving out.
It can be surprising what agents reason sometimes use in forcing us to realize how foolishly we were behaving. Locked inside a cell of my own creation, I forlornly looked at the person I hurt through a keyhole with shameful admittance of fault reflected in my face. The filmi quality of our situation did not escape us and we were close to recapturing a poignant scene from Romeo and Juliet when apartment maintenance decided that we both learned our lesson.
The next time I try to angrily close the door behind him, I hopefully will remember what I am invariably closing in and what I am inadvertently leaving out.
Monday, August 25, 2008
A check in the mail
But it is no ordinary check. It represents the culmination of a month-long battle against a spurious system that systematically devours deposits meant to be reimbursed. No longer! Included with the check is a reference to an apartment immaculately maintained with promise of a glowing recommendation addressed to our future potential landlord.
Thank you, Ithaca Renting Company, for restoring our faiths in an inept system and proving to us that sometimes, even inept systems work. If you find yourself homeless in Ithaca, NY or thereabouts do not think twice on renting one of their properties. They can be officious and unnecessarily fussy but they refund your deposits %100 plus interest for as long as you empty and clean the place before you move out.
To give you a sharper picture, in contrast, if you rent from Ithaca Rentals & Renovations, Inc., in particular the Westview Apartments, then you can kiss at least %50 of your rental deposit good bye. They will charge upwards of $500 for painting per room, which is roughly %40 of your rental deposit. Other miscellaneous charges will undoubtedly eat the remainder. Admittedly, we left the place in a distressed state but nothing that a $70 cleaning service cannot manage. The deductions were unwarranted and the raped refund took 6 months to arrive, visiting the rental office and insisting on getting back the deposit included.
At Summer Hill, according to a friend's experience, his rental deposit was battered by fees that he would have thought he already covered since before moving out a. he retained the services of the same cleaning lady that the management uses to clean the place after a tenant moves out and b. he had the carpets professionally cleaned. However, both were still deducted from his rental deposit providing no plausible explanation for the redundancy except of course that they can do it.
In case it is still not obvious, you will have the least headache dealing with Ithaca Renting Company. You can consider it as a paid advertisement on behalf of the company. After all, they did send back my deposit check.
Thank you, Ithaca Renting Company, for restoring our faiths in an inept system and proving to us that sometimes, even inept systems work. If you find yourself homeless in Ithaca, NY or thereabouts do not think twice on renting one of their properties. They can be officious and unnecessarily fussy but they refund your deposits %100 plus interest for as long as you empty and clean the place before you move out.
To give you a sharper picture, in contrast, if you rent from Ithaca Rentals & Renovations, Inc., in particular the Westview Apartments, then you can kiss at least %50 of your rental deposit good bye. They will charge upwards of $500 for painting per room, which is roughly %40 of your rental deposit. Other miscellaneous charges will undoubtedly eat the remainder. Admittedly, we left the place in a distressed state but nothing that a $70 cleaning service cannot manage. The deductions were unwarranted and the raped refund took 6 months to arrive, visiting the rental office and insisting on getting back the deposit included.
At Summer Hill, according to a friend's experience, his rental deposit was battered by fees that he would have thought he already covered since before moving out a. he retained the services of the same cleaning lady that the management uses to clean the place after a tenant moves out and b. he had the carpets professionally cleaned. However, both were still deducted from his rental deposit providing no plausible explanation for the redundancy except of course that they can do it.
In case it is still not obvious, you will have the least headache dealing with Ithaca Renting Company. You can consider it as a paid advertisement on behalf of the company. After all, they did send back my deposit check.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Fixated
It is a fact that citizens of at least two third-world countries, do not depend solely on paper or other synthetically manufactured products in complying with the sanitary requirements of the bottom (i.e. butt, ass, behind, junk in the trunk etc). They might not be able to afford a forest equivalent of toilet paper supplies but they manage without. Call them poor or impoverished but in these backward states, people perform ablutions of the bottom after every "noble deed." With soap and water. Something that I am beginning to suspect is unheard of in these parts.
Water impurity or lack of it does not deter these impoverished citizens from depending on water for support in bottom after-care and from living a self-imposed independence from toilet papers. A compelling evidence to this assertion is that a pail or variations of it is considered a standard fixture in their bathrooms. The more progressive ones have fitted their toilets with a jet-spray, from which one's bottom can enjoy direct water hit, rendering the pail unnecessary. The even more elite installed toilets that came equipped with the jet-spray.
Another such proof can be found in their bathroom accessories department. Wander down these aisles and without fail, one will find an array of multicolored pails in all shapes and sizes. Adjacent aisles feature shower heads not only for the typical shower but also for the jet-sprays I have mentioned above.
In comparison, even an inspired search for pails of this purpose, or even jet-sprays, in the retail stores in this country, from a behemoth chain to a localized one, yield unfortunate results and several unsavory inferences of the general hygiene of this country. One of which is that, people, after several swipes with the toilet paper, wash their bottoms while perched on the bathtub thereby eliminating the need for any water pails. However, this leads to several more unsavory inferences and more mystery: bathtub as repository of "particles" which are the by-product of the official toilet business? and what about those homes without a bathtub and are equally bereft of pails?
Perhaps, because these pails are rather unsightly and as a matter of utility rarely go well with the established decor, people here are wont on hiding these essential bathroom tools whenever they have guest/s. As such, since my sample size was mostly derived from bathrooms I have visited as a guest, if this were true, explains a lot. However, I am rather sure this is not the case.
It can also be true that after toilet paper swiping, the official business is wrapped up. In which case, euggh. I know that facial tissues are now equipped with aloe and similar nonsense so as not to hurt the nose when one is infected with a cold. However, I have not come upon a toilet paper product which is lined with soap and water that in using it alone is enough to meet the sanitary challenges of an official bathroom business. There are these innovative wet wipes which closely meet this function but still not quite. Besides, these wipes evolved from the wipes used on the bottoms of babies. And, babies' bottoms need wiping because they cannot wash their own bottoms, yet. What is the official adult excuse?
I do not know when this questionable practice started but I hope it be displaced soon enough. I do not want to imagine what all sorts of hygienic regimens will soon be substituted by toilet paper swiping. Taking a bath? Washing er wiping the face?
It is not an entirely hopeless case. It is not like the people here are afraid of the water. They do find hand-washing important, which in itself is a positive start. There is even a federal law which requires business owners to post notices reminding employees to wash hands prior to handling food. Is it too much to ask to include bottom-washing as well?
The next time you snootily raise your nose in the air upon hearing the filthy and backward practices of citizen X of poor country Y, they might be inclined to snootily raise their bottoms in the air in retort. Considering the above, there is just no winning argument against that.
Water impurity or lack of it does not deter these impoverished citizens from depending on water for support in bottom after-care and from living a self-imposed independence from toilet papers. A compelling evidence to this assertion is that a pail or variations of it is considered a standard fixture in their bathrooms. The more progressive ones have fitted their toilets with a jet-spray, from which one's bottom can enjoy direct water hit, rendering the pail unnecessary. The even more elite installed toilets that came equipped with the jet-spray.
Another such proof can be found in their bathroom accessories department. Wander down these aisles and without fail, one will find an array of multicolored pails in all shapes and sizes. Adjacent aisles feature shower heads not only for the typical shower but also for the jet-sprays I have mentioned above.
In comparison, even an inspired search for pails of this purpose, or even jet-sprays, in the retail stores in this country, from a behemoth chain to a localized one, yield unfortunate results and several unsavory inferences of the general hygiene of this country. One of which is that, people, after several swipes with the toilet paper, wash their bottoms while perched on the bathtub thereby eliminating the need for any water pails. However, this leads to several more unsavory inferences and more mystery: bathtub as repository of "particles" which are the by-product of the official toilet business? and what about those homes without a bathtub and are equally bereft of pails?
Perhaps, because these pails are rather unsightly and as a matter of utility rarely go well with the established decor, people here are wont on hiding these essential bathroom tools whenever they have guest/s. As such, since my sample size was mostly derived from bathrooms I have visited as a guest, if this were true, explains a lot. However, I am rather sure this is not the case.
It can also be true that after toilet paper swiping, the official business is wrapped up. In which case, euggh. I know that facial tissues are now equipped with aloe and similar nonsense so as not to hurt the nose when one is infected with a cold. However, I have not come upon a toilet paper product which is lined with soap and water that in using it alone is enough to meet the sanitary challenges of an official bathroom business. There are these innovative wet wipes which closely meet this function but still not quite. Besides, these wipes evolved from the wipes used on the bottoms of babies. And, babies' bottoms need wiping because they cannot wash their own bottoms, yet. What is the official adult excuse?
I do not know when this questionable practice started but I hope it be displaced soon enough. I do not want to imagine what all sorts of hygienic regimens will soon be substituted by toilet paper swiping. Taking a bath? Washing er wiping the face?
It is not an entirely hopeless case. It is not like the people here are afraid of the water. They do find hand-washing important, which in itself is a positive start. There is even a federal law which requires business owners to post notices reminding employees to wash hands prior to handling food. Is it too much to ask to include bottom-washing as well?
The next time you snootily raise your nose in the air upon hearing the filthy and backward practices of citizen X of poor country Y, they might be inclined to snootily raise their bottoms in the air in retort. Considering the above, there is just no winning argument against that.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Hans
There are many mysteries in life, one of which bothers me the most while I am browsing through the internet. It is the inexplicable behaviour of people to continue visiting/reading sites they avowedly disdainfully dislike. And this is something that affects me as I can be an exhibit A to this phenomenon.
There are about three blogs which I banned from my reading list either because the writing style does not appeal to me, the subject matter does not interest me or the combination of the two. Despite being able to define my reading list preferences, I still find myself on the same three sites that largely define what I, erm hate in blogs. In short, I am what I'd like to call a Han--a hating fan.
Many blog sites benefited from people like me, catapulting them to the most visited sites in all of cyberspace. Perezhilton.com is one such classic example of a hated website benefitting from the inadvertent support of the Hans. A cursory glance through the site's comment section will show that at least a handful of people took the time and made the effort to visit the site, read through at least one of the posts and hurl their insults at the site and author. Time and time again. In fact, "Most Hated Website" is an honor which the site triumphantly wears as an accomplishment.
I guess such behaviour reveals a curious inadvertent effect of hating and the alternate reality that exists with it. Typically, what happens is if one dislikes to an extent that one hates something, one will not support its propagation or its continued existence. In this case, however, the more the Hans hate, the more that it contributes to the existence of the object of hate.
So, even though I think these three blog authors should stop writing, but because I keep going back to these sites, regardless of the somersaults that my sensibilities are doing, they will continue to write. Because they are guaranteed of at least one reader, albeit a Han.
I should have one of those.
There are about three blogs which I banned from my reading list either because the writing style does not appeal to me, the subject matter does not interest me or the combination of the two. Despite being able to define my reading list preferences, I still find myself on the same three sites that largely define what I, erm hate in blogs. In short, I am what I'd like to call a Han--a hating fan.
Many blog sites benefited from people like me, catapulting them to the most visited sites in all of cyberspace. Perezhilton.com is one such classic example of a hated website benefitting from the inadvertent support of the Hans. A cursory glance through the site's comment section will show that at least a handful of people took the time and made the effort to visit the site, read through at least one of the posts and hurl their insults at the site and author. Time and time again. In fact, "Most Hated Website" is an honor which the site triumphantly wears as an accomplishment.
I guess such behaviour reveals a curious inadvertent effect of hating and the alternate reality that exists with it. Typically, what happens is if one dislikes to an extent that one hates something, one will not support its propagation or its continued existence. In this case, however, the more the Hans hate, the more that it contributes to the existence of the object of hate.
So, even though I think these three blog authors should stop writing, but because I keep going back to these sites, regardless of the somersaults that my sensibilities are doing, they will continue to write. Because they are guaranteed of at least one reader, albeit a Han.
I should have one of those.
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Tedious
This word sums it all up. I would have thought the process would be straightforward and simple enough. Google for apartments for rent within your budget and voila--move in. I do not know when apartment hunting suddenly became as stress-inducing as appearing for your life-altering job interviews. But it has. It has become very much akin to job hunting that savvy apartment hunters advises neophytes like me to treat meetings with potential landlords as one would a job interview. You have to say the right things and make sure you hold your tongue on the wrong ones. My favorite tip for instance is to not dazzle the landlord with your interior decorating plans of the place especially if it involves drilling and their walls. It is considered as a deal breaker in their circle. The only comforting thought is that there are more available apartments for rent than there are available jobs.
The tediousness is a bit comical, especially in the present economic situation when I doubt anybody is even considering paying anything above $0. Previously gainfully employed professionals are getting the pink slip everyday and the trend seems only to suggest that such will be the case for a while. Gasoline prices seem perpetually to be on the verge of getting a woman's period--swinging erratically from one end of the pole to another--influencing a similar behavior in the markets.
The tediousness is a bit comical, especially in the present economic situation when I doubt anybody is even considering paying anything above $0. Previously gainfully employed professionals are getting the pink slip everyday and the trend seems only to suggest that such will be the case for a while. Gasoline prices seem perpetually to be on the verge of getting a woman's period--swinging erratically from one end of the pole to another--influencing a similar behavior in the markets.
Friday, June 13, 2008
It's a Boy
I just found out that birth certificates in India do not bear the name of the child it is supposedly certifying the birth of. It does indicate whether a child born on March 22, 1979, for instance, is a boy or a girl. Which I guess is pretty much useful in India since the parents need to know whether to expect a dowry or to save up for one. Considering this, the less traditional families have almost no use for the birth certificate except to remind themselves of the misfortune/blessing that befell them one fateful day.
I may sound mocking but that is mostly because I am. But I am not as quick to dismiss any rational explanation for the nameless birth certificate. Tu Desi? Please enlighten a fool.
I may sound mocking but that is mostly because I am. But I am not as quick to dismiss any rational explanation for the nameless birth certificate. Tu Desi? Please enlighten a fool.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Root of all piracy
Microsoft is currently teaching us a lesson on not to attach too much significance on upgrades of their products. This means that some time in the future, Microsoft will release a new version of Vista and the old Vista would work better. Just like how Windows 98 works better than Windows ME and Windows 2000 is better than Windows XP. For now, Windows Vista is making us pine away for Windows XP.
The genius behind the ever-expanding software empire realized at an early stage that the only way to sustain their juggernaut dominance in the tech-software industry is by producing products that cancel each other out. They have applied the theory of relativity very effectively consequently resulting to the increase in their mediocre product's value (Windows XP) relative to the futility of a supposedly upgraded but vastly inferior product (Windows Vista).
Windows Vista compelled geeks to produce a video in exasperation of being inundated by requests for tutorials on how to shift from Vista back to XP. As much as one would like to stick with the old stand-by, it is difficult to do so when support for its continued use suffers a terminal cancer and tragically dies.
This is precisely the reason why software piracy persists. The price of any pirated product reveals the utility value of the authentic product. At least to the consumer. We purchased an authentic Windows Vista and for the utility we're getting out of it, it should have been downloaded somewhere for free.
The genius behind the ever-expanding software empire realized at an early stage that the only way to sustain their juggernaut dominance in the tech-software industry is by producing products that cancel each other out. They have applied the theory of relativity very effectively consequently resulting to the increase in their mediocre product's value (Windows XP) relative to the futility of a supposedly upgraded but vastly inferior product (Windows Vista).
Windows Vista compelled geeks to produce a video in exasperation of being inundated by requests for tutorials on how to shift from Vista back to XP. As much as one would like to stick with the old stand-by, it is difficult to do so when support for its continued use suffers a terminal cancer and tragically dies.
This is precisely the reason why software piracy persists. The price of any pirated product reveals the utility value of the authentic product. At least to the consumer. We purchased an authentic Windows Vista and for the utility we're getting out of it, it should have been downloaded somewhere for free.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Beating the system
I might have poor comprehension skills, but my interpretation of a deposit is something that you can withdraw or at least something that you can get back. But according to landlords, that is not the case. Their version of the word is to mean that a deposit is something you can kiss goodbye for, by God, you will never see it again.
Shifting to a new apartment is imminent and as such, the battle to reclaim at least %80 of the rental deposit has begun, if only to refuel the evil cycle of making a rental deposit at a new apartment. The last one, I have been comprehensively beaten. The recovery rate was a pittance. Granted, the apartment was filthy. Yes, it resembled more of a sty. But $500 for re-painting a sty was hardly a fee, it was flagrant robbery.
To beat the system, I must be better than the system. I plan to repaint the walls myself, clean the place spotless, have a walk-through with the landlord, take pictures of the emptied place which is sure to be a portrait of immaculate cleanliness and wait for my rental deposit. But our apartment-mate punctured several holes in my plan.
First of all, the place will never be spotless. Even if one hires the very same professional cleaning services that the landlord will hire after one moves out, landlord will always find an issue to deduct something from the deposit. Second of all, regardless of whether or not an agreement is reached with the landlord that everything is in order prior to moving out, the deposit is still vulnerable to deductions. Lastly, the landlord knows that since one is moving out, one does not have the energy nor time--and when one is a youthful student--the patience to contest the charges and one just, inevitably, succumbs.
You can hear the muted echoes of his hopelessness at the situation. Because even if you play by the rules, the outcome is the same.
I understand that deposits are for the protection of the landlords. That in the event their properties are trashed, they are somewhat insured from the damages. However, it is an irritating logic to accept that in insuring themselves against plunderers and pillagers, they will plunder and pillage the rental deposits of even the most conscientious renters.
It has become somewhat of a moral problem: become a plunderer or be plundered.
Shifting to a new apartment is imminent and as such, the battle to reclaim at least %80 of the rental deposit has begun, if only to refuel the evil cycle of making a rental deposit at a new apartment. The last one, I have been comprehensively beaten. The recovery rate was a pittance. Granted, the apartment was filthy. Yes, it resembled more of a sty. But $500 for re-painting a sty was hardly a fee, it was flagrant robbery.
To beat the system, I must be better than the system. I plan to repaint the walls myself, clean the place spotless, have a walk-through with the landlord, take pictures of the emptied place which is sure to be a portrait of immaculate cleanliness and wait for my rental deposit. But our apartment-mate punctured several holes in my plan.
First of all, the place will never be spotless. Even if one hires the very same professional cleaning services that the landlord will hire after one moves out, landlord will always find an issue to deduct something from the deposit. Second of all, regardless of whether or not an agreement is reached with the landlord that everything is in order prior to moving out, the deposit is still vulnerable to deductions. Lastly, the landlord knows that since one is moving out, one does not have the energy nor time--and when one is a youthful student--the patience to contest the charges and one just, inevitably, succumbs.
You can hear the muted echoes of his hopelessness at the situation. Because even if you play by the rules, the outcome is the same.
I understand that deposits are for the protection of the landlords. That in the event their properties are trashed, they are somewhat insured from the damages. However, it is an irritating logic to accept that in insuring themselves against plunderers and pillagers, they will plunder and pillage the rental deposits of even the most conscientious renters.
It has become somewhat of a moral problem: become a plunderer or be plundered.
Baby Fight Club
I saw the above-titled documentary recently. Apparently, some British folks interpret parenting to mean they have license to allow their children, from as young as four years old, to participate in a controlled-brawl they like to call Thai Boxing. These tots are ushered into a ring where they are cheered on by their parents to either "kick em, kick em" or "punch him". It is the only place in the world where children are egged on and even incentivized to hurt what on another civilized society would call a "playmate."
Because it is a fairly new sport, considering that most toddlers still find great joy in sucking their thumbs and playing with their toys, rules and regulations are still undercooked at best. At one competition, a boy wearing a protective headgear zestfully punches another boy in the face whose head unfortunately is not equally protected. Rules and regulations are still to evolve to clearly stipulate the acceptable conditions for having an unprotected head receive fistful of blows. When the parents thrust their kids to the ring, the only thing that keeps their precious little ones from being beaten needlessly into pulp is a referee. This means that now and again, illegal punches and kicks are thrown and illegal punches and kicks are received.
There was a boy, who at age 10, was considered a veteran of the sport and had tw0 knockouts under his belt. It is safe to assume that two souls who make up this disturbing statistic are about the ages of 10, as well. Before entering the ring, which may or may not be caged, he'd have ran for about 9 miles, made 400 sit-ups and spent at least 10 hours on the bags and sparring. For whatever time that he has left, I assumed he spends it sleeping. But according to his folks he also goes to school.
It is easy to fling mud at the parents of these children and call them unfit and abusive. But before you do so, they want you to know that they are doing this for their children's own good. The benefit may be obscured by visions of 4-year olds tearfully entering the ring to face another 4-year old for a kicking and punching match. But by introducing these children to the sport, their parents are confident that their children will grow up not to be pushed around and bullied by others. Their children, unlike your kid who is busy pretending that he is a masked superhero, will know how to protect and defend themselves against exploitation.
Understandably, any concerned parents would not want their children exploited. By others.
Because it is a fairly new sport, considering that most toddlers still find great joy in sucking their thumbs and playing with their toys, rules and regulations are still undercooked at best. At one competition, a boy wearing a protective headgear zestfully punches another boy in the face whose head unfortunately is not equally protected. Rules and regulations are still to evolve to clearly stipulate the acceptable conditions for having an unprotected head receive fistful of blows. When the parents thrust their kids to the ring, the only thing that keeps their precious little ones from being beaten needlessly into pulp is a referee. This means that now and again, illegal punches and kicks are thrown and illegal punches and kicks are received.
There was a boy, who at age 10, was considered a veteran of the sport and had tw0 knockouts under his belt. It is safe to assume that two souls who make up this disturbing statistic are about the ages of 10, as well. Before entering the ring, which may or may not be caged, he'd have ran for about 9 miles, made 400 sit-ups and spent at least 10 hours on the bags and sparring. For whatever time that he has left, I assumed he spends it sleeping. But according to his folks he also goes to school.
It is easy to fling mud at the parents of these children and call them unfit and abusive. But before you do so, they want you to know that they are doing this for their children's own good. The benefit may be obscured by visions of 4-year olds tearfully entering the ring to face another 4-year old for a kicking and punching match. But by introducing these children to the sport, their parents are confident that their children will grow up not to be pushed around and bullied by others. Their children, unlike your kid who is busy pretending that he is a masked superhero, will know how to protect and defend themselves against exploitation.
Understandably, any concerned parents would not want their children exploited. By others.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Restroom Attendants
Those primitive towel holder types that lamely hang on the wall cradling towels on its racks have been tossed to obsolescence. Apparently, its utility was far too deficient when measured against its expected function. In a bid to address this pressing issue, the latest design in tower holders breathes, moves, talks and--its most malignant defect--expects tips.
I noticed that pseudo-upscale restaurants are often guilty of installing such modern fixtures in their restrooms. If they think that by requiring their patrons to pay a fee in exchange of their hands getting a maximum of 4 second devoted attention from a possessed towel they are providing superior service, then they are monumentally and exasperatingly wrong. It does not add to the restaurant experience to have a towel holder leer menacingly at you upon its suspicion that you are a no-tipper.
What it actually does is cause an anxiety on the stubborn and miserly patrons who refuse to mollycoddle this panhandling innovation. They will evade the restroom at all costs, no matter how dire the situation. They will go through the meal without the necessary ablutions thus risking contaminating the food they eat. They will ignore all calls of nature, regardless of how relentless the call is. Because the price to be civilized is higher than the meal itself.
Consider how many times a restaurant patron pops in the loo. The responsible ones would stop by the restroom before eating to wash hands, in the middle to relieve self, some time after to wash hands after handling the lobster and at the end to cleanly punctuate the meal experience. Women develop sudden love affairs with the restroom, visiting it every so often during the meal and often in a tour-group with all the women at the table. Men, because of the religious pilgrimage of the women to the loo, are pressured to visit the loo at least once.
There should not be any money made in visiting the loo of a restaurant and subjecting patrons to a sorrowful spectacle of their money going down the drain. After all, that is what filing taxes are for.
I noticed that pseudo-upscale restaurants are often guilty of installing such modern fixtures in their restrooms. If they think that by requiring their patrons to pay a fee in exchange of their hands getting a maximum of 4 second devoted attention from a possessed towel they are providing superior service, then they are monumentally and exasperatingly wrong. It does not add to the restaurant experience to have a towel holder leer menacingly at you upon its suspicion that you are a no-tipper.
What it actually does is cause an anxiety on the stubborn and miserly patrons who refuse to mollycoddle this panhandling innovation. They will evade the restroom at all costs, no matter how dire the situation. They will go through the meal without the necessary ablutions thus risking contaminating the food they eat. They will ignore all calls of nature, regardless of how relentless the call is. Because the price to be civilized is higher than the meal itself.
Consider how many times a restaurant patron pops in the loo. The responsible ones would stop by the restroom before eating to wash hands, in the middle to relieve self, some time after to wash hands after handling the lobster and at the end to cleanly punctuate the meal experience. Women develop sudden love affairs with the restroom, visiting it every so often during the meal and often in a tour-group with all the women at the table. Men, because of the religious pilgrimage of the women to the loo, are pressured to visit the loo at least once.
There should not be any money made in visiting the loo of a restaurant and subjecting patrons to a sorrowful spectacle of their money going down the drain. After all, that is what filing taxes are for.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
First Person First Hand
One of my professors has suggested that first hand knowledge is one of the most overwhelming influence to wrong decisions. What you see is what you believe and believe so without a full assessment. Yet, I can scarcely deny that indeed the economy is falling when I go to an outlet mall. The weather is beautiful, everyone is out - and yet, when it comes to making the purchase, a few wallets open up to see the light of day.
Some have hoped tax rebate checks will help the stiffly held wallets open a bit, but right now it's pretty much in air. Cellular-news recently reported a huge dip in electronics spending. Perhaps, the only ones buying are those who look for favorite gadgets, with discretionary purchases from the common population on decline. People have compared the present decline with Japanese recession and it's clear that it would be hard to get out from here. Yes, there are opportunities, but a disproportionate number of them are arising out of poorer countries. In the next 30 years we will see a rebalancing of the world, with Asian nations emerging from past 500 years of misery.
But what do I know? I have just seen it first hand.
But what do I know? I have just seen it first hand.
Saturday, April 19, 2008
Dumbnation
ERAP 2010--Para sa Masa
The above is proof that the brain has drained out of Philippines, completely. The audacity of a convicted plunderer (who later describe himself as "vindicated" by, in government terms, "pardon") to even ponder running for office once again is fueled by the staggering, collective idiocy of this country.
I do not want a man who wantonly pillaged an already malnourished economy by his monumental and infuriating excess to be in the position to do the same all over again. I do not want his ridiculously inept cronies to once again play musical chairs to the influential and significant positions up for grabs in the government. I am against his midnight cabinet sessions of drunken debauchery to determine the fate of this nation. Of the 91m souls reluctantly calling Philippines home, one of them is bound to be infinitely more suitable than this man will ever be.
As much as one would like to commiserate with the poor and their dire circumstances, it is hard to do so when they pin their hopes to the very man who propelled them deeper into the bog of poverty. To a man, who at the very least, can do very little about their situation. It's not as if this man had not been given the chance to prove his worth. He had the opportunity to substantiate the masses' belief in him but instead, chose to validate the portion of the population who chose not to vote for him.
It might be due to desperation and hopelessness which are causing this infectious bout of idiocy. But desperation and hopelessness will only persist if this man is put in office.
I do not want a man who wantonly pillaged an already malnourished economy by his monumental and infuriating excess to be in the position to do the same all over again. I do not want his ridiculously inept cronies to once again play musical chairs to the influential and significant positions up for grabs in the government. I am against his midnight cabinet sessions of drunken debauchery to determine the fate of this nation. Of the 91m souls reluctantly calling Philippines home, one of them is bound to be infinitely more suitable than this man will ever be.
As much as one would like to commiserate with the poor and their dire circumstances, it is hard to do so when they pin their hopes to the very man who propelled them deeper into the bog of poverty. To a man, who at the very least, can do very little about their situation. It's not as if this man had not been given the chance to prove his worth. He had the opportunity to substantiate the masses' belief in him but instead, chose to validate the portion of the population who chose not to vote for him.
It might be due to desperation and hopelessness which are causing this infectious bout of idiocy. But desperation and hopelessness will only persist if this man is put in office.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
The Fine Print
For many years, details encoded in fine print have been subject of much contention, argument and the inevitable frustration. It seems, the substance of the contract is concealed inconspicuously in fine print. Each time there is a crucial issue about the service/product, resolution is sourced by fine print. Doubtful whether or not the increase in fees was stipulated in the contract? Read the fine print and you will be sufficiently enlightened. Baffled why you are suddenly being charged for service fees? The fine print can provide you with the answer. Such is the power of fine print, that contract executors won many legal battles and were awarded punitive damages with the argument, "Read the fine print."
The details in the normal print however, cannot answer these questions. Further, it is deficient of crucial facts. Information in the normal print will not explain to you that you need to do x in order to qualify for y. It will not point out that service a is not automatic but it's something that you have to request for specifically. That in order to avoid paying x amount of fees you have to do y. In general, nothing in the normal print will save you from a future, punishing headache except for providing you proof of your poor choice.
It is therefore unsurprising why details in the normal print are rarely the crux of any complaints or disputes. No customer complaints are easily resolved by referring to the normal print. I'm pretty sure that the customer service representatives hardly use this argument against a disgruntled customer: Read the normal print. And this is precisely because the normal print is merely a decoy used by contract-pushers to distract you from the trap disguised in fine print. Had you known what you were getting into, courtesy of fine print, you wouldn't have gotten into it in the first place.
Everything that we ever need and want to know about a contract, which will help us deliberate on its merits and demerits is in the fine print. For putting up with this dysfunctional system for so long, we deserve to get a contract in which the fine print is in normal print and the normal print in fine.
Let us push for the upliftment and empowerment of the normal print and for once, put value and significance in reading the normal print.
The details in the normal print however, cannot answer these questions. Further, it is deficient of crucial facts. Information in the normal print will not explain to you that you need to do x in order to qualify for y. It will not point out that service a is not automatic but it's something that you have to request for specifically. That in order to avoid paying x amount of fees you have to do y. In general, nothing in the normal print will save you from a future, punishing headache except for providing you proof of your poor choice.
It is therefore unsurprising why details in the normal print are rarely the crux of any complaints or disputes. No customer complaints are easily resolved by referring to the normal print. I'm pretty sure that the customer service representatives hardly use this argument against a disgruntled customer: Read the normal print. And this is precisely because the normal print is merely a decoy used by contract-pushers to distract you from the trap disguised in fine print. Had you known what you were getting into, courtesy of fine print, you wouldn't have gotten into it in the first place.
Everything that we ever need and want to know about a contract, which will help us deliberate on its merits and demerits is in the fine print. For putting up with this dysfunctional system for so long, we deserve to get a contract in which the fine print is in normal print and the normal print in fine.
Let us push for the upliftment and empowerment of the normal print and for once, put value and significance in reading the normal print.
Monday, April 14, 2008
Hello, God, are you there
Theists have this habit of plaguing God about everything, which I suspect is the reason why I am occasionally deprived of that indulgent attention from the divine. I sometimes feel that I am terminally on hold on God's helplines while other whiny souls get serviced. Women in particular have this annoying habit of demanding signs, from whether or not to accept a job offer to an ultimatum as to when will they finally meet The (proverbial) One. God must have cursed the day humanity learned how to pray.
I read a post today by a seemingly intelligent woman (she apparently was a magna cum laude at some top uni) advising her friend to demand a sign from God on what to do with her marital situation. She attested to the success rate of such a method and counted herself as one of the living proofs to this divine intervention. In particular, she recounted a situation in which she had asked God to give her a sign about accepting a job proffered to her from abroad. According to her demands, if God wants her to accept the offer, she should receive a purple rose by end of the day. Or some such nonsense. Apparently, she did get a purple rose that day and she went for the job which turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made. The trick was to demand for a sign that is out of the ordinary that if it does appear, there will be no denying that the sign is actually a coded answer.
It made me wonder what would have happened if she didn't get the purple rose that day. What if she got an equally bizarre black rose? Or what if she got the purple rose the day after? Would she have gone, anyway? Or would she have missed out on a great opportunity?
Most people are terrified to confront tough choices they have to make in their lives that they sometimes resort to coping mechanisms such as demanding exacting and creative signs from the poor, busy guy. Intelligent woman above couldn't make a decision and tossed a coin in the air to resolve the dilemma. Instead of calling it heads or tails however, she called for a purple flower. I suppose by allowing somebody else to have control over her fate, albeit illusory, it gave her comfort that someone else is guiding her. Because left to her own devices, look what she ended up doing.
What intelligent woman and others like her are most scared of, I guess, is not so much as to what the consequences of these choices might imply but as to who they can blame in case the decision turns out to be an unsound one. They'd much rather bleat and flail their arms angrily at an invisible God than look in the mirror and face the unsightly guilt that has nestled in their eyes because of a mistake. What these people need, more than anything else, is unflagging support and steadfast reassurance. That no matter what happens, they won't be judged and they will land on their feet.
Religion is not the greatest vehicle for self-accountability. It will provide for a long and holy list of names, each one of which is powerful enough to alternately praise or blame. What I would like to point out to people who are wont on badgering God for signs is this: For all your pleas for divine intervention, in the end, a mere mortal will have to make the decision and face the music accompanying it. And doing so with complete faith in one's self is in itself the divine act.
I read a post today by a seemingly intelligent woman (she apparently was a magna cum laude at some top uni) advising her friend to demand a sign from God on what to do with her marital situation. She attested to the success rate of such a method and counted herself as one of the living proofs to this divine intervention. In particular, she recounted a situation in which she had asked God to give her a sign about accepting a job proffered to her from abroad. According to her demands, if God wants her to accept the offer, she should receive a purple rose by end of the day. Or some such nonsense. Apparently, she did get a purple rose that day and she went for the job which turned out to be one of the best decisions she's ever made. The trick was to demand for a sign that is out of the ordinary that if it does appear, there will be no denying that the sign is actually a coded answer.
It made me wonder what would have happened if she didn't get the purple rose that day. What if she got an equally bizarre black rose? Or what if she got the purple rose the day after? Would she have gone, anyway? Or would she have missed out on a great opportunity?
Most people are terrified to confront tough choices they have to make in their lives that they sometimes resort to coping mechanisms such as demanding exacting and creative signs from the poor, busy guy. Intelligent woman above couldn't make a decision and tossed a coin in the air to resolve the dilemma. Instead of calling it heads or tails however, she called for a purple flower. I suppose by allowing somebody else to have control over her fate, albeit illusory, it gave her comfort that someone else is guiding her. Because left to her own devices, look what she ended up doing.
What intelligent woman and others like her are most scared of, I guess, is not so much as to what the consequences of these choices might imply but as to who they can blame in case the decision turns out to be an unsound one. They'd much rather bleat and flail their arms angrily at an invisible God than look in the mirror and face the unsightly guilt that has nestled in their eyes because of a mistake. What these people need, more than anything else, is unflagging support and steadfast reassurance. That no matter what happens, they won't be judged and they will land on their feet.
Religion is not the greatest vehicle for self-accountability. It will provide for a long and holy list of names, each one of which is powerful enough to alternately praise or blame. What I would like to point out to people who are wont on badgering God for signs is this: For all your pleas for divine intervention, in the end, a mere mortal will have to make the decision and face the music accompanying it. And doing so with complete faith in one's self is in itself the divine act.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Movie Review: Race
Saif and Akshay Khanna star in Abbas-Mustan's Race I lost 2++ hours of my life to this useless, god-awful movie and I thought I should write a eulogy for my tragic loss. In a way, I deserved it. The signs were there right from the beginning but I insisted on wresting my better sense from the jaws of stupidity and sat through the whole thing.
The plot was so contrived that it seemed to be a montage of twists from other more interesting movies. There was the secret-lovers twist in which the lover on the surface commits the ultimate betrayal only for it to unravel later on that the lover's loyalties have always been with the hero and that they are secretly lovers. And then there was the it-was-obvious-the-hero-died twist in which the hero dies in some accident only to resurface at a pivotal point in the movie alive, hale and hearty. Of course, Race also didn't fail to employ the staple villain-upperhand twist in which for the better part of the movie we see the villain's plan working like clockwork and the hero seems to have run out of luck but later it will be revealed that all of it was part of a bigger plan that benefits the hero entirely. There was also the I'm-just-a-cripple (in this case secretary) twist in which a seemingly harmless character turns out to be deep in the web of deceit and lies.
Armed with this veritable list of twists, I suppose the screenwriters confidently thought that they have a blockbuster hit on their hands. After all, there were movies which had only one or two of the aforementioned twists and yet caused a sensation at the box office. Having all of them woven into the story should therefore be a moneymaker. But in weaving all these twists together, the writers forgot to include an essential and crucial thread: the story. And that is why I lost 2 hours++ of my life.
Race was anything but the heart-pounding, edge-of-your-seat thriller that the title suggests. In the end, it turned out to be a poor tribute to twists that have previously been masterfully employed by better directors, while it limps amongst the forgettable movies of 2008.
Armed with this veritable list of twists, I suppose the screenwriters confidently thought that they have a blockbuster hit on their hands. After all, there were movies which had only one or two of the aforementioned twists and yet caused a sensation at the box office. Having all of them woven into the story should therefore be a moneymaker. But in weaving all these twists together, the writers forgot to include an essential and crucial thread: the story. And that is why I lost 2 hours++ of my life.
Race was anything but the heart-pounding, edge-of-your-seat thriller that the title suggests. In the end, it turned out to be a poor tribute to twists that have previously been masterfully employed by better directors, while it limps amongst the forgettable movies of 2008.
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Quartivores
After hauling out a ton of dirty clothes the last laundry cycle, the boy and I decided that we'll do the laundry once a week. It's not that we didn't realize the value of this until that day. It's just that several trip to the laundry room in one day forces you to act on one of your better plans.
The problem with doing the laundry once a week at our apartment complex is that you need to be swimming in quarters in order to do so. Our washing machines need insane amounts of quarters for a single load and I won't even bother to talk about how much quarters the drying machines need.
What I want to know is why these machines are being obnoxious about which coins they can accept. What is wrong with dimes, nickels and pennies? The parking meters sure have no qualms devouring them. I don't see the washing machines in the higher order of the coin-eating food chain. Why the exclusive diet on quarters?
It's not as if there are machines out there the diets of which are based exclusively on dimes, nickels, and pennies that they are much in demand--except maybe for those coin-pressing machines you can find at amusement parks and other tourist traps. Other than those, there aren't really a great many use for these coins. In fact, movements have been formed to petition the abolition of pennies. And this is precisely because these prejudicial washing and drying machines adamantly refuse to compromise.
Quarters on the other hand are in demand. I need quarters for my bus-rides, for buying small-ticket items, for leaving tips and for calling on payphones when one forgets the apartment key and one's cellphone happened to elope with the apartment key. I rarely find myself in the situation in which I rummage my coin purse for a nickel, dime or penny. Often, I rummage frantically for a quarter.
The utility of dimes, nickels and pennies would increase tenfold if they are allowed into circulation in the washing and drying machines community. People will rediscover a newfound affection for these coins, especially for me, and will actually be motivated to pick them up off the street if they happen to be dropped. But as it is, I weed out my purse of pennies and nickels as they occupy too much space relative of their value.
Some vending machines seemed to have found a solution and have evolved into credit card eating machines. And because I have not much use for vending machines, they are the first to attempt to make my life easier.
As for the machines that I contend with constantly, they remain to be quartivores.
The problem with doing the laundry once a week at our apartment complex is that you need to be swimming in quarters in order to do so. Our washing machines need insane amounts of quarters for a single load and I won't even bother to talk about how much quarters the drying machines need.
What I want to know is why these machines are being obnoxious about which coins they can accept. What is wrong with dimes, nickels and pennies? The parking meters sure have no qualms devouring them. I don't see the washing machines in the higher order of the coin-eating food chain. Why the exclusive diet on quarters?
It's not as if there are machines out there the diets of which are based exclusively on dimes, nickels, and pennies that they are much in demand--except maybe for those coin-pressing machines you can find at amusement parks and other tourist traps. Other than those, there aren't really a great many use for these coins. In fact, movements have been formed to petition the abolition of pennies. And this is precisely because these prejudicial washing and drying machines adamantly refuse to compromise.
Quarters on the other hand are in demand. I need quarters for my bus-rides, for buying small-ticket items, for leaving tips and for calling on payphones when one forgets the apartment key and one's cellphone happened to elope with the apartment key. I rarely find myself in the situation in which I rummage my coin purse for a nickel, dime or penny. Often, I rummage frantically for a quarter.
The utility of dimes, nickels and pennies would increase tenfold if they are allowed into circulation in the washing and drying machines community. People will rediscover a newfound affection for these coins, especially for me, and will actually be motivated to pick them up off the street if they happen to be dropped. But as it is, I weed out my purse of pennies and nickels as they occupy too much space relative of their value.
Some vending machines seemed to have found a solution and have evolved into credit card eating machines. And because I have not much use for vending machines, they are the first to attempt to make my life easier.
As for the machines that I contend with constantly, they remain to be quartivores.
Friday, April 11, 2008
Discretion
I wonder if upon hearing the disclaimer "Viewer discretion advised" select members of the audience actually adopt a cynical stance and doubt if what is about to be viewed warranted discretion. It seems to me that the concept of discretion in this country is highly arbitrary. Which makes me think that these silly disclaimers we hear prior to engaging to a visual treat of nudity, sex or violence are entirely pointless.
For instance, there are situations which certain groups of people would rather enjoy in private and in the intimacy of discretion. Before delving into such situations or more like activities, certain preparations are made. Doors are closed and often locked, windows too. Blinds and curtains drawn. And during the actual uh activity, attempts at downplaying the climax and muffling euphoric feats are prevalent throughout the performance. It is either because (a) they refuse to wake up the neighbors (b) they refuse to wake up the roommate (c) they do not wish to play fodder to juicy gossip of the next day (or hour) (d) they simply believe that the activity falls under discretion.
Our neighbor obviously didn't belong to this group of people. They belonged to this other group which sneers at privacy as unnecessarily restricting and deems it as a slap in the face of democracy and freedom. So instead of closing doors and windows and drawing down the blinds and preserving whatever privacy afforded to them by their room, they open the windows, check for an uncooperative audience and produce the performance of their lives. This is America--the land of the free and the brave. Where every voices have the right to be heard and are heard.
Aaahhh....mmm....
G:...12 million monkeys locked in a room with a typewriter can eventually produce the whole of Shakespeare's works. That's fascinating.
B: Nah, that's not fascinating. It's just probability.
G: Yeah, what's the probability of that actually happening? That's fascinating.
B: No it's not.
Ooooooooh....yessss....oooohhhh
G: What do you find fascinating then?
B: Pendulums.
G: ?
Oh god yes....yessss.....Oh godddd oooohhhhhh
B: They actually exist.
G: Haven't you seen a grandfather clock?
B: I have but I am not referring to that. I am referring to your becoming one when you're about to get your period.
G: ?
Ohhhh....I'm getting dizzy.......
I don't understand why women have to fake it. And men actually buy it.
For instance, there are situations which certain groups of people would rather enjoy in private and in the intimacy of discretion. Before delving into such situations or more like activities, certain preparations are made. Doors are closed and often locked, windows too. Blinds and curtains drawn. And during the actual uh activity, attempts at downplaying the climax and muffling euphoric feats are prevalent throughout the performance. It is either because (a) they refuse to wake up the neighbors (b) they refuse to wake up the roommate (c) they do not wish to play fodder to juicy gossip of the next day (or hour) (d) they simply believe that the activity falls under discretion.
Our neighbor obviously didn't belong to this group of people. They belonged to this other group which sneers at privacy as unnecessarily restricting and deems it as a slap in the face of democracy and freedom. So instead of closing doors and windows and drawing down the blinds and preserving whatever privacy afforded to them by their room, they open the windows, check for an uncooperative audience and produce the performance of their lives. This is America--the land of the free and the brave. Where every voices have the right to be heard and are heard.
Aaahhh....mmm....
G:...12 million monkeys locked in a room with a typewriter can eventually produce the whole of Shakespeare's works. That's fascinating.
B: Nah, that's not fascinating. It's just probability.
G: Yeah, what's the probability of that actually happening? That's fascinating.
B: No it's not.
Ooooooooh....yessss....oooohhhh
G: What do you find fascinating then?
B: Pendulums.
G: ?
Oh god yes....yessss.....Oh godddd oooohhhhhh
B: They actually exist.
G: Haven't you seen a grandfather clock?
B: I have but I am not referring to that. I am referring to your becoming one when you're about to get your period.
G: ?
Ohhhh....I'm getting dizzy.......
I don't understand why women have to fake it. And men actually buy it.
Thursday, April 10, 2008
ASAP
I want to know who invented this ghastly acronym which lately has been the bane of my existence. Apparently, my delightful boss thought that by paying his minions less, they'll be motivated to work more. Along with increased productivity, boss thought that increased efficiency coincided with the implementation of his beloved doctrine. And because I am a cursed soul, getting everything ASAP is his way of life.
My inbox is littered with pithy, straightforward, death sentences such as: How soon can you make a business plan? I need one ASAP; research on how to set-up a nonprofit corp ASAP. But the cherry topper: I need ABCD today ASAP.
I don't exactly know how I am expected to work under ASAP conditions. Does this mean I have less pressure because I can submit ABCD at my own pace and at my own interpretation of soon and possibilities? Or is this actually a veiled and a mispelled NOW?
What is wrong with giving a specific and unequivocal deadline, I wonder. I need it today by 6:00pm. Thanks. It's harsh and exacting but I'd actually prefer that to the ambiguous ASAP. Why must I be subjected to the agony of measuring soon and the probabilities attached to what's possible? Not only must I consider how soon is soon enough, I must also deliberate how much is possible in soon enough. And on top of that, I need to make a stupid business plan ASAP.
Good bosses know that appending ASAPs to their demands do little to expedite whatever output they need immediately. ASAPed outputs essentially require loving attention from time and effort, which necessitated this whole business of ASAPs anyway. So, they don't. Instead, they typically impose a palpable yet admittedly, pressure-enriched deadline.
Bad bosses, on the other hand, use ASAP to bypass the irritating inconvenience of rational thinking.
My inbox is littered with pithy, straightforward, death sentences such as: How soon can you make a business plan? I need one ASAP; research on how to set-up a nonprofit corp ASAP. But the cherry topper: I need ABCD today ASAP.
I don't exactly know how I am expected to work under ASAP conditions. Does this mean I have less pressure because I can submit ABCD at my own pace and at my own interpretation of soon and possibilities? Or is this actually a veiled and a mispelled NOW?
What is wrong with giving a specific and unequivocal deadline, I wonder. I need it today by 6:00pm. Thanks. It's harsh and exacting but I'd actually prefer that to the ambiguous ASAP. Why must I be subjected to the agony of measuring soon and the probabilities attached to what's possible? Not only must I consider how soon is soon enough, I must also deliberate how much is possible in soon enough. And on top of that, I need to make a stupid business plan ASAP.
Good bosses know that appending ASAPs to their demands do little to expedite whatever output they need immediately. ASAPed outputs essentially require loving attention from time and effort, which necessitated this whole business of ASAPs anyway. So, they don't. Instead, they typically impose a palpable yet admittedly, pressure-enriched deadline.
Bad bosses, on the other hand, use ASAP to bypass the irritating inconvenience of rational thinking.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
The Man
A friend who recently got engaged and successfully attached Phd to his name had a fit of manliness over the weekend. After 30 years of listening to his sober second thought, he decided that the weekend was ripe for debauchery at a local strip club. He went with his fiancee.
A concerned friend wanted to do something about this belated youthful exuberance/mistake. "He's too old for this. He should be doing this when he was 16 or 17....not at this time." I told him that going to a strip club and getting drunk are some of the things one must experience as a man. Concerned friend couldn't disagree with this. I guess what bothers him most is not that his prudish friend finally broke free of his prudish shell but that in emerging from his chrysalis he was accompanied by the fiancee. "I would have gone alone," he excessively shared.
I conjectured that perhaps newly minted party-boy friend was on a high, what with consecutive accomplishments under his belt. This altered-state might have contributed to his reckless and feckless exploit into the world of impropriety. But as it is a high, his essence as the thinking, rational man remains unchanged and will eventually re-emerge. Give him a break.
Being crazy at 30 is actually a good thing and I will even go further to say that people should go crazy only at 30. At 30, we have the benefit of a refined mind and tempered emotions--well typically. And so, however crazy a night of drinking turns out for a 30 year old, it still would be tame compared to what could have been on a night of drinking 14 years earlier.
I'm sure our friend will be alright.
Saturday, April 5, 2008
Irony
I do not understand the lobby for humane treatment of animals specifically those meant to be devoured by vociferous carnivores - yes, I am one of those. Now and again there are outraged cries of how inhumane the chickens of Kentucky Fried Chicken are treated prior to their inevitable frying. Or how old cows are dragged through the meat slaughterhouses as opposed to--I am not really sure how they want the cows transported for slaughter. Packing them at a back of a pick-up truck seems equally inhumane by their standards.
Companies who are either scared of being pelted by these animal rights activists with angry shouts of protests or are in solidarity with the just cause have resorted to printing cute, little tales about the lives of our chickens, pigs and cows before they were delivered to our fridge in a packaged death.
"Our chickens roamed freely and were not confined in fences. They ate the best grains and had the freshest water supply," that is before they nested on your fancy plate.
How can anybody protest the manner of dying and not the meted out death sentence? The shortlist for animal rights seem comical in my mind if I were to base it on the protests of animal rights activists:
1. Right to roam free
2. Right to best food
3. Right to fresh water
And the list will go on and on about the rights of chickens and pigs and cows to quality sustenance. And yet, the right to live is noticeably absent.
Douglas Adams in his book, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (I can't remember which installment) understatedly made a very sharp point about meat eating. ( At least that's how I interpreted it) I'd love to quote that part of the book but it is a Saturday and I would like to spend much of the day on something else.
Instead you will get an account of how I remembered the passage was written. The scene was at a restaurant at the end of the universe. The heroes of the story were famished and were waiting for their servers. A cow walked up to their table and asked them which part of the cow they wanted for dinner. The cow wittingly enticed them of its meaty part and endorsed it specifically. The heroes, however, were disconcerted. It felt vague to them that their eventual food was actually talking to them and telling them what part of it they would find most delectable.
When the hero decided to order salad instead, the cow almost consolingly replied "Would you rather I am dead and cannot talk before you decide to eat me?" Or something such (deepest apologies to Mr. Adams). Eventually, the meat of the day excused itself so it can proceed to the kitchen and shoot itself with a "Don't worry I'll treat myself humanely."
If there ever was an effective campaign against inhumane treatment of animals or meat eating, Mr. Adams already did it in his book.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Cash Back
There is something unsettling about this marketing/advertising ploy some product-pushers have been inclined on using. For x amount of money, one is bestowed with the product, plus y amount of cash back. X + Y seems to equal to an earnest and desperate appeal for anybody to buy the product and consequently making an elusive sale.
It just screams "commercial bomb" to me. How bad can the product be that one is actually paid to get the product? "Here, take them all, but for godsakes, just buy our car!!!"
I grew up in a world where people do not stand by street corners for the exclusive purpose of passing money around like their lives depended on it. In fact, they stand on street corners to actually force money out of unsuspecting hardworking citizens--but definitely not to get rid of it. Trades and market efficiency have been based on two crucial pillars: consumers and the manufacturers, where consumer is robbed of many and manufacturer robs gleefully. But some time during an executive meeting of a commercially stinker product owner it was decided that this perfect world should be assailed by redefining the roles of consumers and manufacturers. "In order to create sales, we must become the robbed and not the robber," they essentially thought.
I confess I am not much of a car enthusiast that I can ably and fairly price the market value of any car brand of whatever age and of whatever specs. But I think I know relatively enough to hypothesize that a Korean car named KIA is not much of a hot-seller.
It just screams "commercial bomb" to me. How bad can the product be that one is actually paid to get the product? "Here, take them all, but for godsakes, just buy our car!!!"
I grew up in a world where people do not stand by street corners for the exclusive purpose of passing money around like their lives depended on it. In fact, they stand on street corners to actually force money out of unsuspecting hardworking citizens--but definitely not to get rid of it. Trades and market efficiency have been based on two crucial pillars: consumers and the manufacturers, where consumer is robbed of many and manufacturer robs gleefully. But some time during an executive meeting of a commercially stinker product owner it was decided that this perfect world should be assailed by redefining the roles of consumers and manufacturers. "In order to create sales, we must become the robbed and not the robber," they essentially thought.
I confess I am not much of a car enthusiast that I can ably and fairly price the market value of any car brand of whatever age and of whatever specs. But I think I know relatively enough to hypothesize that a Korean car named KIA is not much of a hot-seller.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Request
Dear India Cricket Team,
I am a huge fan. But unlike many others, I was an India cricket fan before I became a fan of the game itself (complete credit to Pathan). Nonetheless, it is to you that I owe my affection for the game.
I have sat through many of your games, vicariously being at the center of action either through cricinfo.com or live streams via prodigious bloggers. Though you did not win them all, you always, without fail, subject me to a roller coaster ride each time. No matter how formidable the runs that you made or how low you kept the runs of the other team, you always managed to somehow turn the match into a nail biter. I often wondered if, upon sensing the comfortable lead your team has over an opponent, you perform a collective gasp and think "Hey ram, we are giving them a beating. This is not proper. Let's play shoddy cricket until such time that the other team closes the gap and it is nearly too late for us to claw our way back into the match." If only your batsmen and bowlers have shown as much damning concern with their performance, then Bhaji would not have been an obnoxious weed but an obnoxious winner.
Contrary to popular belief exclusively espoused by your team, it is not necessary to wrestle defeat from victory. There is such a thing as being kind to your foes--but this is stretching it. Beat them all and comprehensively and stop putting me through an emotional circus.
Thanks,
Fan
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