Request

Dear India Cricket Team,

I am a huge fan. But unlike many others, I was an India cricket fan before I became a fan of the game itself (complete credit to Pathan). Nonetheless, it is to you that I owe my affection for the game.

I have sat through many of your games, vicariously being at the center of action either through cricinfo.com or live streams via prodigious bloggers. Though you did not win them all, you always, without fail, subject me to a roller coaster ride each time. No matter how formidable the runs that you made or how low you kept the runs of the other team, you always managed to somehow turn the match into a nail biter. I often wondered if, upon sensing the comfortable lead your team has over an opponent, you perform a collective gasp and think "Hey ram, we are giving them a beating. This is not proper. Let's play shoddy cricket until such time that the other team closes the gap and it is nearly too late for us to claw our way back into the match." If only your batsmen and bowlers have shown as much damning concern with their performance, then Bhaji would not have been an obnoxious weed but an obnoxious winner.

Contrary to popular belief exclusively espoused by your team, it is not necessary to wrestle defeat from victory. There is such a thing as being kind to your foes--but this is stretching it. Beat them all and comprehensively and stop putting me through an emotional circus.

Thanks,

Fan

The Genius

I am seeing (as I have been constantly told) a genius. Which is why what I am about to say is very funny. 

G: What do you mean split milk? 

B: Split milk! (rolling eyes impatiently) You've never heard of split milk?

G: No, what is that?

B: You know like ( adopting a snooty, condescending tone) "Don't cry over ___ milk."

Well.  I thought that was spilt milk, genius. 

Z

***

If February ends sooner, then A will happen. And A is a very nice thing to happen. However, it also means that B will happen and B, in the spirit of the alphabet, is such a bitch. 

***

Life lately has been a series of averted mishaps. Good news were about things that could have been infinitely worse if not for a last minute turn of events that as such they are good news only when  juxtaposed next to what could have been. I am completely bereft of good news that stands on its own merit; one that you do not need to compare with the alternate scenario to appreciate its good news-ness. 

It's as though luck and curse settled comfortably in my life and are living in perfect yin/yang harmony. I am equal parts lucky and equal parts cursed. And their relationship is not merely symbiotic--I'll give her a bad thing in exchange of the good or vice versa. They've consumed their love for each other and produced bastard hybrids of not too bad but not that great either.