ASAP

I want to know who invented this ghastly acronym which lately has been the bane of my existence. Apparently, my delightful boss thought that by paying his minions less, they'll be motivated to work more. Along with increased productivity, boss thought that increased efficiency coincided with the implementation of his beloved doctrine. And because I am a cursed soul, getting everything ASAP is his way of life.

My inbox is littered with pithy, straightforward, death sentences such as: How soon can you make a business plan? I need one ASAP; research on how to set-up a nonprofit corp ASAP. But the cherry topper: I need ABCD today ASAP.

I don't exactly know how I am expected to work under ASAP conditions. Does this mean I have less pressure because I can submit ABCD at my own pace and at my own interpretation of soon and possibilities? Or is this actually a veiled and a mispelled NOW?

What is wrong with giving a specific and unequivocal deadline, I wonder. I need it today by 6:00pm. Thanks. It's harsh and exacting but I'd actually prefer that to the ambiguous ASAP. Why must I be subjected to the agony of measuring soon and the probabilities attached to what's possible? Not only must I consider how soon is soon enough, I must also deliberate how much is possible in soon enough. And on top of that, I need to make a stupid business plan ASAP.

Good bosses know that appending ASAPs to their demands do little to expedite whatever output they need immediately. ASAPed outputs essentially require loving attention from time and effort, which necessitated this whole business of ASAPs anyway. So, they don't. Instead, they typically impose a palpable yet admittedly, pressure-enriched deadline.

Bad bosses, on the other hand, use ASAP to bypass the irritating inconvenience of rational thinking.