To the Rescue

Interesting conversation I had with the husband inspired me to do this post. You see, he was more than peeved by the fact that Gambhir (Indian cricket player who recently schooled the Australians on how to score a double century) was banned from the remaining test matches because Gambhir was silly enough to shove this Aussie boy who, incidentally, sportingly tried to block Gambhir from making runs, all in the fair spirit of the game. Husband was also nearly seething when he read the comments of some of his compatriots from that Southern part of India where the sun seems to shine the strongest. He is of the opinion that these people tend to not to stand up for their countrymen.

His deep-seated reaction to the whole thing was not merely because of some game--it's cricket. The same game I had to frantically make heads or tails of (wicket? boundary? lunch break?!?) when I have decided that I cannot compete and possibly win against Tendulkar for my husband's time and attention.

I would be the first to admit that I rarely play that swashbuckling anti-discriminatory hero, even in the midst of a fusillade of racial slurs. Most of the time I find the affronted Asian (to supply the cliched example) needlessly sensitive. Or the Westerner's (again the cliche) ignorant remarks, well ignorant. I shrug my shoulders and bury the 'discriminatory incident' with my brand of snobbery that just cannot tolerate stupidity.

But when someone important to you takes the very same thing seriously, you tend to re-evaluate the whole thing as how that someone sees it. So, here's my shot at standing up to my brown brothers, or in this case, that beloved Bee:

Pamie.com blogged of her experience of eating at this particular fast food restaurant which does not ordinarily serve the burgers and fries the obese Americans are used to. She tried this peculiar fast food joint, not to satisfy her fat cravings, but mostly to test her fear of the unknown, reminiscent of Fear Factor. In similar vein, she (with her friends) ordered unfamiliar grub such as Palabok ("hard-boiled eggs, shrimp, pork, noodles and some kind of brown sauce") and spaghetti dogged with hot dogs among other things. Pamie and friends approached their food as though they were just about to have raw bull's testicles for appetizers, uncooked goat's penis for the main entree and fresh buffalo eyeballs to finish off the meal. Most of the "food" was in unfamiliar color, form, or sauce which terrified one of pamie's friend by even the innocuous fast food's main selling point "crispylicious and juicylicious" fried chicken. A little transcript (for pamie after all is a script writer) of their conversation during the epicurean adventure was appended, if only to state the obvious that wit and wisdom were not party to their tryst.

To her credit, pamie tried not to sound so mentally vacant. But whether her woeful writing skills had anything to do with it, she alas, ultimately, ended up making a poor, smelly 7 year-old living in the slums of Manila appear infinitely smarter in comparison. For instance, this dirty squirt will not fry her brain trying to hazard what "burger steak" can conceivably be, especially with visual aids available, she can correctly guess that it is a "burger patty in steak *brown* sauce with mushrooms." *Ding! Ding!*

Or that the "funny smell" pamie's friend noticed was the smell of food that can only be made possible when your waiter did not urinate or defecate in your food, as presumably, most of her friend's food had been. On second thought, that might actually have been Asian urine. Oops.

And what is so inconceivable about having hot dogs with spaghetti? Seriously. The next time pamie puts a penis in her mouth (or am I being too presumptuous?) she should realize that vestiges of human refuse are not among the ingredients in this hot dog + spaghetti combination. That in itself should make it palatable. Or is that why it's not?

My point, pamie, is this. You do not have to jaunt off to every Asian or Ethnic restaurant to be a culinary adventurer. The occasional "ox-tail" or "blue-veined, tan chicken" are hardly daredevil dishes. You do not have to look far. The normal food you eat is filled with the sickeningly, terrifyingly inedible stuff you frequently find in your food trips that you can have your adventure simultaneously as you eat your normal breakfast, lunch and dinner and everything in between.

Consider Phosphoric acid in your Coke Cola, tap water (PWS) in your mineral water and the yogurt that became pink thanks to a crushed bug. Hardly appetizing, and yet, at some point in your life I am sure you had one of these and found it yummy. These questionable ingredients and other artificial additives commonly found in American food is maybe why so many of your people are obese, so many of your people have diseases that are unheard of in other parts of the world, and partly, maybe the reason why your brain is sufficiently malnourished and your mind necessarily narrow.

Incidentally, I found your blog via a google search of "Jollibee USA." I was craving for some of that crispylicious goodness.